


Factory Condition

by PushPin



Series: After the game when everything is perfect and nobody dies. [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-23
Updated: 2012-08-31
Packaged: 2017-11-08 08:41:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 42,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/441307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PushPin/pseuds/PushPin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bro's working on figuring out romance with a troll, but manages to pick one with more problems than are immediately obvious.</p><p>(sorry for the suck summary, bad summary is bad)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

You laid on the sofa with him resting in your lap and arms resting on your knees. It had taken some coaxing and careful arrangement with his horns, but found comfort with his back against your chest and your arms around him. It had been about a week since you got him to try alcohol for the first time which ended with the two of you hooking up and he was still as skittish as before, but could at least be convinced to actually touch you. Neither of you had brought up anything about what type of relationship might happen between you, but you were comfortable to keep things as they were.

There was a lot about him you still didn't know, and he could be surprisingly evasive when he wanted to. He never asked you anything come to think about it, so what did you know about each other?

“Is Psionic actually your name?” you blurted out, glancing at him from behind your shades without turning. He craned his neck, shifting in your lap to look up at you.

“What?” he frowned a little and you suddenly weren't sure if that was a landmine with him or if you had just confused him. You didn't even know enough about him to know what not to ask.

“Just wondering.” you muttered, pretending to be focused on the movie. He stared at you for longer than you would have liked before shifting back to watch the movie.

Maybe he just didn't like you any further than occasional sex? Was he just humoring you by sticking around? Were the differences between dating a troll and a human really that great? He pulled you out of your thoughts when he rested his hands over one of yours, curling his slender fingers around yours and tickling your palm.

He did seem strange to you sometimes, even stranger than the other trolls that you'd met. He was always wearing clothing that covered an absurd amount of skin no matter the temperature, long sleeves and pants, even going so far as to cover his neck with turtlenecks or scarves. He was skittish when you wanted to touch him, when you were just wanting to be comfortable with him, and was always unsure and needed coaxing to initiate any sort of physical touch.

He dragged your hand up his chest and his lips brushed your knuckles. He seemed fully engaged in the television, breath soft and damp against your skin while he watched a particularly riveting scene. You slipped your other arm down around his waist, flattening your palm against his belly and pushing his shirt up until a sliver of gray skin was revealed. He didn't react, not paying attention to what you were doing.

You had tried to get some information out of Dave about trolls, since he had spent a lot more time around them than you, but you couldn't without him getting too suspicious about the nature of your relationship. You couldn't ask Psi about troll romance without committing to anything. You still weren't even sure how compatible trolls and humans would be in the long run.

You idly touched the exposed gray skin around his middle, tracing shapes into his skin while his shirt rode up. You traced over where he would have had a belly button but his skin remained smooth an perfect. 

Your anatomy was less similar than you would have imagined before you had seen him naked. After you spoke with Dave he had pointed out that they were not mammals, they hatched from eggs, and it made more sense to you. No hair anywhere but his head, no belly buttons or nipples, and their language; it was all more foreign to you than just cultural differences.

He still hadn't acknowledged your hand under his shirt, but unconsciously stroked your palm with his thumb. You pushed your luck, tracing the hem of his pants and inhaling the scent of his hair before pulling at the button.

You were either going to have to ask him about what he wanted with you, or find another one of the trolls to interrogate. He was nearly as hard to read as you were, just so intensely introverted.

“What are you doing?” he asked, not upset, just curious.

“I can stop if you want.” you spoke into his neck before delivering a kiss just above where the high collar of his shirt cut off. You had undone his pants and were teasing under his briefs with your fingers caressing his bone bulge, trying to see if you could get it to come out.

“Uh...” he breathed out, eyes following the movements of your hand while he moved one of his hands to rest on your knee.

“I don't think this is the place.” he murmured quietly, craning his neck so he could look up at you.

“Why not? Nobody else is home.” you leaned forward and kissed his cheek, unable to reach his lips, and slipped your hand deeper until your fingers touched the edges of his nook and circled it. Your palm rested over his bone bulge and you could feel the heat underneath while he pulled his bottom lip between his sharp teeth.

You imagined that you would like him just as much under the label of 'boyfriend'. You could take him out on a date somewhere, maybe show him some human sights and end up with some ironic photos of the two of you. He couldn't know any more about human culture than you did about trolls, you had never seen him outside of this building. It wouldn't surprise you terribly if you found out he was a recluse.

“Dirk...” he sighed your name and his hands curled around the denim of your knees, clinging like he had nothing to hold on to. His eyes were closed, leaving the only light in the room from the television, while he rocked his hips into your hand. You slipped a second finger into his nook and earned a delicious purring moan that vibrated through his chest.

His bulge curled loosely around your wrist and you could feel it pulse and squeeze when you curled your fingers just right inside of him. He gasped out something in Alternian with a series of trills, his grip loosening on your knees before tightening again when you pressed your fingers into him as far as they would go. He moaned your name like a prayer between chirping out what you could only assume were Alterinian swears.

Even if you could never speak Alternian it might have been nice to learn it. At first it sounded like nothing to you, but after feeling the way those clicks and purrs vibrated through him it seemed so much more exotic instead of alien. It couldn't be that hard to learn just a few words.

“Fuck, Dirk!” he cried out, loud enough to bring you back to your senses. You flattened a palm against his chest and felt how fast his heart was pounding beneath those fragile ribs, his chest rising and falling as he sucked in air and pushed out desperate needy noises. He whimpered your name one last time when you buried three fingers into him and his black lips parted with a harsh gasp. Yellow fluid gushed against your palm and his bulge squeezed your wrist so hard your finger tips tingled while he rode out his finish, breath coming in short gasps.

You kissed his neck and nosed through his sweaty locks while he caught his breath and slowly loosened his grip on your knees, feeling his heart rate slowly calm with the hand planted on his chest. You pulled your hand from the sticky mess inside his pants and rested your hand on his thigh while his genetic material slowly soaked through his pants.

“Holy shit.” he muttered after a few minutes, bringing a clammy hand to rest over yours on his chest. He shifted a little but stopped with a disgusted grimace when he realized precisely how soiled his pants were. You couldn't put a lid on it before you laughed and sat up, keeping your arm locked around his chest. He craned his neck to give you an annoyed sort of look, but ended up with what you thought was an eye roll.

“Come on, lets get cleaned up before the kids show up and we scar them.”


	2. Chapter 2

“So I hear that someone here's got a little flushed thing going on with the human downstairs.” 

“And where do you hear that?” 

“Oh, I have my sources.” Fee grinned from across the counter in the nutrition block, batting a cherry back and forth between her hands. She leered at you and giggled before popping it into her mouth.

“No, really where did you hear that?” Kar asked her from his seat across from you at the table.

“What does it matter where I heard it, that's not the interesting part! Tell us all about your pity-parties with Dirk Strider.” she bounced and clapped her hands to her cheeks, waiting for you to regale her with stories of romance she loved so much.

“There's nothing to tell.” You offered without much emphasis, standing to help Rosa peel some earth vegetables.

“Ohh, come on! I know you guys are super red for each other! I mean it's not like you're hard to pity after what happened with you on the ship-” she stopped when Kar shooshed her and you glanced over at the two of them.

“Sorry, I didn't mean to say it like that.” she apologized, looking to Kar to make sure her apology was acceptably genuine.

“It's fine, we're not red anyways.” you said, sitting down once you were finished helping Rosa.

“You're not red?” Kar said, incredulity plain on his face.

“No, we're not.”

“You're not... pale though, right?”

“No.” you answered and watched as all eyes in the room turned to you.

“Black?” Fee peeped, sounding desperate.

“No, there's no quadrant.” you sighed. This wasn't your favorite topic, especially when everyone was so focused on you.

“How could he not pity you, that's outrageous!” Fee bounced around, coming to sit next to you and invading your personal space.

“He doesn't pity me because I haven't told him about the ship, for all he knows I died with you guys.” your voice was a little sharper than you really intended, but you were just hoping this topic of conversation could be over. The resounding silence was deafening.

“Why haven't you told him?” Kar murmurs, trying not to look so shocked.

“I didn't want to, can we please drop this?” you sighed again, resting your chin in your hand.

“Of course, Fee give him a little room will you?” Rosa herded Fee out of her seat and sat next to you in her place, thankfully giving you more space. Fee shuffled out of the room with Kar and you could hear her tackle him into the sofa in the next room. Rosa sat and fussed with her nails in silence next to you.

You hadn't mentioned Dirk to any of them for this precise reason: that they were going to want some kind of explanation. You could find nothing about Dirk worthy of your pity, and you didn't want him to pity you either. In your understanding human pity had nothing to do with romance, so you weren't going to bring it up now when things seemed to be going well enough without it.

Fee had told you what she was learning about human romance, which was based on love. She made everything sound so romantic and flowery, but beyond that it sounded like such an easy practice. You just pick one person to spend the rest of your life with, give them everything of yourself and hope they reciprocate. There were no drones, worries about blood caste differences, registration; it all sounded so simple. Simple was so refreshing to you after you spent thousands of years with nothing making sense.

“What is he like?” Rosa asked quietly, coyly glancing up from her nails.

“What part of 'drop this' was unclear.” you said, doing your best not to come across angry. She was prying, but not for the gossip like Fee.

“Sorry, I know it's not my place.” she smiled politely, standing to go check on her cooking.

“If you want to know, go meet him yourself.”

“Oh, that's okay. I mostly wanted to hear you describe him.” she turned halfway to look back to you. It was difficult to say no to her, even though it was likely Fee and Kar could hear you.

“He's nice.” you folded and unfolded your hands, not looking up at her.

“It's just... nice to have someone that knows nothing about you, like a clean slate.” you glanced up at her but she had her back turned.

“As long as he makes you happy, that's all we want.” she said, and her quiet voice gave you comfort that she was on your side, even if you weren't sure what you were doing yet.


	3. Chapter 3

It had been about a week since you had last see Psi and he wouldn't get in the shower with you. He usually came around with Sollux but had been conspicuously absent last night. You were prepared to be told to fuck off, but just had to know for sure so you knocked on the door of the apartment you'd been led to once before.

“Who is it?” a feminine voice called from inside.

“Neighbor from downstairs.” you called, hopefully loud enough to be heard through the door. There was a scuffling from inside a second before the door swung open just a crack and pulled the chain taught. You could see half of a rather severe looking troll woman's face peering at you.

“Is there a problem?” she raised an elegant eyebrow.

“No, I was just hoping to see Psi if he was around.” you stuffed your hands into your pockets and shifted from one foot to the other. You hadn't exactly been expecting the third degree, much less other trolls who apparently lived there to answer.

“Regarding?” she purposefully looked you up and down, clearly making her own judgments.

“Do I need to schedule in advance or what? Is he in there or not?” you were starting to get annoyed, what was she the door patrol?

You watched her golden eyes narrow while she drew in a deep breath before closing the door with a sharp snap. You stood there for a long moment in shock, wondering if she actually was some sort of guard of the door before you could hear the chain and the door swung open again. Your initial judgment of her being severe wasn't quite right, she was just plain regal in the way she held herself, and she had nearly a head on you in height.

She carefully stepped back and motioned for you to come inside, keeping a careful gaze on you. You nodded and stepped in, noticing a smaller girl troll curled up on the sofa who had her wide eyes glued to you.

“He is in his room, I believe you already know where to find it from your first visit.” she said, closing the door behind you before folding her arms and regarding you. She wasn't rude, but was making it clear that you were not necessarily welcome, like some kind of terrifying mother bird routine.

“Thanks – hey.” you waved to the girl on the sofa and her eyes widened marginally, but she didn't wave back. You walked past her anyways towards the hall until you made it to Psi's closed door. You reached for the doorknob but thought better of it and knocked politely. When there was no response you looked back towards the living room and found the tall troll watching you; it made the hairs on the back of your neck stand up.

“Knock harder.” she offered. You knocked on the door without taking your eyes off of her, an irrational fear in the back of your mind was telling you that if you took your eyes off of her for a second she would be right behind you. You knocked harder.

“Come in.” came a quiet unenthusiastic response and you grabbed the handle and ducked into the room as quickly as you could, closing the door behind you.

The room was entirely dark except for the light of a computer monitor and Psi's dim eyes. He didn't look up from his position hunched over his desk, head resting in his hands while the keyboard clacked away. It took you several seconds to realize that he was typing with his psionics. You watched him for long enough that it felt awkward, but he didn't look away from the screen or speak. His eyes were half lidded and he didn't blink in the time you were watching him scan the screen.

“Hey.” you offered, stepping close enough that you could read the screen, but it was in alternian. You searched the rest of the dark room and finally noticed how empty it was. Compared to your apartment this place was like a prison cell; there was nothing decorating the walls, just the desk, a dresser and the cocoon in the corner.

“Hey.” he answered but it was monotone, just answering based on a bare minimum of stimulus with no deeper recognition.

“Psi?”

“What.” he monotoned, not moving.

“You in there?” you asked, briefly considering waving a hand in front of his face to break the trance.

“Yes.”

“I came up to see you since you didn't come with Sollux last night.”

“...What about Sollux?” he asked, finally blinking.

“Nothing about Sollux, just you and me.” you leaned against the side of his desk, watching to see if there was any change on his face.

“Then what...?” he asked, his eyebrows drawing in slightly before the typing stopped and he drew his eyes from the screen. He had to search for a second to find you in the room, eyes wider and alert finally.

“Dirk I... sorry, I didn't notice you.” he seemed so surprised to see you, like you hadn't just had half of a conversation with him.

“You seemed pretty focused.”

“Sorry, I was just working on something.” he rubbed his eyes and hit a few keys on the keyboard and the screen went blank white, casting a little more light in the room.

“I came up since you didn't show last night when Sollux came, something up?”

“No I guess I just didn't realize, sorry.” he sighed, running a hand through his messy hair and leaning against the desk. You sat in silence while waiting for him to elaborate, but it became clear as the seconds ticked by and he didn't move or open his eyes that an answer was not forthcoming.

“I can go if you're busy.” you pushed off of the desk and stepped towards the door, ready to take this as your 'fuck off'.

“No- don't go!” his hand shot out fast enough to surprise you and grabbed yours, pulling you back towards his desk.

“Sorry, I'm just tired now, but stay...?” he looked up at you and the light behind his eyes wavered uncertainly. “Or, you can leave if you want, you don't have to stay.” he said, letting his hand drop from yours and breaking eye contact.

You walked back over to him and brushed some of his hair that was sticking up down, letting your fingers brush his horns when he looked up at you.

“I can stay, or at least until your mom or whoever busts the door down and kicks me out.” you sat on the edge of his desk, close enough that your legs brushed his arm.

“Who?”

“I didn't get her name, but she answered the door and gave me the third degree.”

“Gave you what?”

“You know, had to sign over my first born before she would let me inside.” 

“Oh.” he didn't look like he understood that any more, but didn't question it.

“Was it Rosa or Fee that didn't want to let you in?” he asked, looking to the door and keeping his voice down.

“The one with the shorter hair.”

“That's Rosa, sorry, I don't know why she would be like that?” he frowned, resting his chin in his hands.

“I get it, she can't be letting in strange men after dark.” you reached up to brush at his hair again. It was a little unwashed feeling, but not unpleasantly so.

“Well, nobody told her to be like that.” he leaned into your touch, casting his eyes down to the table and illuminating it. He leaned against you comfortably while you gently combed your fingers through his hair until his eyes finally closed and his breathing started to slow.

“I should go so you can get some sleep.” you murmured, trying not to startle him but he jolted anyways, eyes flaring brighter for a moment.

“Sorry, I'm just tired.” he rubbed at one eye and sat up straighter, trying to wake himself up a little more. 

“Why don't we do something another time when you've slept, a date?” you managed to stay nonchalant; if he agreed then it would be promising.

“Uh, yes, that would be good.” his eyes dimmed again now that he wasn't actively trying to be energetic.

“Cool, I'll come by later and we can figure out when.” you pushed off of the desk and he stood up with you, pushing off the desk like his legs were numb. You had just reached the door when it occurred to you so you turned and walked back to him while he watched you quizzically. You gave him a little peck on the lips, so sappy you could die, but he gave you a brief surprised smile and it was worth it.

“See you later.”

“Bye.” he said, watching you until you finally closed his door behind yourself.


	4. Chapter 4

He showed up remarkably on time with a knock on your door and you had to pause for a second so you didn't rush to the door. It had to be like you weren't counting down the minutes for him to show up so you could go on your first actual date. You did your best to open the door at a normal speed, finding him standing impassively in front of you.

“Hey, right on time.” you smiled and let him in. He looked a lot better than he had a few days ago when you had gone to see him. You weren't sure what was so important on his computer that had been keeping him up for days without sleep, but it hadn't done him any favors. You were slowly learning that the glow of his eyes was usually a good indicator of his general well being, and they were thankfully back to their normal even glow.

“You want something to drink?” you offered and he followed you to your kitchen.

“No, thanks.” he leaned against the counter.

“Can I get you something anyways?” you said, not that you were trying to get him drunk again, but he sure could use some loosening up most of the time.

“If you must.” he gave a small crooked smile, pulling at the sleeves of the frankly awful sweater he was wearing. It was clearly home made by someone.

You were just opening the fridge when your phone went off, you apologized and went to turn it off before you noticed that it was work. You excused yourself and regretfully answered. Terrible news, they wanted you to come in to work. You were ready to tell them they could go fuck themselves, you had a sexy space alien in the other room waiting for you, but when threats of being fired came out you were presented with a problem.

“Hey Psi?” 

“Hm?” he turned to face you, hands in his pockets.

“You ever been to a club?”

“A club for what?” 

“A dance club, I work there as a DJ and they're making me come in to work tonight.” you sighed, desperately wishing that this had happened another night. “Why don't you come and if you don't like it I'll walk you back here and we can do this another time, it's just around the block.”

He didn't look entirely convinced and you were reminded of the fact that you'd never seen him set foot outside of this apartment building. Maybe he had some kind of agoraphobia?

“You don't even have to dance, we can just hang out in the DJ booth and get drunk?” you gave it one last try to get him to come. He shrugged his shoulders and sighed, still looking unsure but nodded. You smirked and stepped forward, sliding an arm around his shoulders and leading him back towards your bedroom.

“Awesome, lemme get you a different shirt or something and we'll get going.”

“What's wrong with this one?” he followed you to your room, glancing around at the various piles of things. It was a little embarrassing how much stuff you had combined with so little organization, especially since you know how barren his bedroom was.

“Uh, nothing's wrong with it, it's usually just hot in the booth.” you realized how bad that sounded and tried to fix your insulting his top, but really that sweater didn't fit in anywhere, much less a dance club. You fished around in your closet, looking for some smaller shirts that might fit him. You finally found a stretchy t-shirt that you nearly split open last time you tried it on and held it out to him.

He regarded it stiffly for a second before lifting his gaze to you, not speaking or taking the shirt for a long few moments.

“I think... I'm fine.”

“What's wrong?” you tossed the shirt onto the bed, trying to gauge his expression but it was difficult; he didn't usually give away much unless he was at least a little drunk.

“I... it has short sleeves.” he looked down at the shirt on your bed spread.

“You always wear long sleeves don't you?” you tried not to sound too curious, but went back to rummaging through your closet and you could see him visibly relax out of the corner of your eyes.

“Sorry.” he mumbled.

“Don't be sorry, I just didn't realize. Here, it'll probably be a little big but it has sleeves.” you offered it to him and this time he took it without complaint. He excused himself to go put it on in the bathroom, which confused you because really what else was there for you to see you had already fucked. You rushed around and got together your wallet and computer, there wasn't a huge rush but the sooner you got there the less upset your boss would be. Another DJ skipped out and never told him, so the owner hadn't been in the best mood to begin with, not to mention when all the other Djs lived no less than thirty minutes out you were the guy to call.

Psi emerged from the bathroom, fidgeting with the sleeves and constantly pulling up the collar. It was a size or two too big on him, but he wasn't swimming in it. The sleeves fell nearly to his finger tips, and the collar was wide and showed off his collarbones. You two were nearly the same height, but he was built completely different from you, made of sharp angles and sleek skin. 

“Looks good, one minute and we'll go.” you smiled and glanced around for where you'd left your cell phone.

“It doesn't really fit.” he kept trying to adjust the collar in a way that covered up to his neck but ended up just shifting it back and forth.

“You look cute in it.” you walked over to him, grabbing his hands and rolling up the sleeves a little for him. He stopped you before you go go past his wrist, a small golden flush visible on his cheeks.

“You really like covering up huh?” you leaned closer and bumped your forehead against his, slowly rolling up his other sleeve to match.

“Yes, do you have a scarf I can wear?” he pulled his hand out of yours, tugging at the collar of his shirt again to try and cover his neck a little. You couldn't help but laugh a little, at least he was consistent about covering up.

“I think I have a bandana somewhere.” you gave him a kiss on the cheek right where it was flushed yellow and let go of him, going to look for your bandana.

“Do you see my phone anywhere?” you asked, grabbing a black bandana mixed up in some clean laundry.

“I think you left it in the kitchen.” he said and you followed him back out into the more well lit kitchen. You threw a few things that you had gathered together into a bag on the sofa while Psi walked to the kitchen to get your phone for you. He was couldn't leave the collar of his shirt alone and you felt bad for putting him in it since he was clearly uncomfortable. It made you realize that the only time you had actually seen him remotely undressed was when he was drunk and you were in a dark room together.

It was just for a second, but when he stepped into the brighter light of the kitchen you got a clearer view of him and you could see something on the skin on the back of his neck. They were markings that looked something like birthmarks, a cluster of pale circles just where his neck turned into his shoulders, disappearing underneath the neckline of your shirt. He turned to face you and you lost sight of them, he was holding up your cell phone.

“Your phone?” he questioned and you cleared your expression, was that all he was trying to hide under those clothes? You didn't remember seeing anything like that on him before, but you hadn't been very focused on looking for birth marks at the time.

“Uh, yeah, thanks. Lets get out of here, ready?” you suggested, trading the bandana for your cell phone and watching him tie it to cover his neck. Why would he try so hard to hide something like that?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to have this out on Friday but there were terrible storms and my power was out x( Things will actually happen next chapter, I swear!


	5. Chapter 5

You had followed Dirk do his job as DJ but were fairly decided on the fact that you were never coming back to this dance club. Dirk was enthusiastic about it, dragging you up to the booth, which was thankfully separated from the rest of the place with a pane of tinted glass. You didn't want to disappoint him so you stayed, but drew the line when he asked if you wanted to try dancing.

It wasn't that you were trying to be stuffy and rude, but just being there was wearing on your nerves. It was crowded, noisy, hot and everyone was drunk; spending thousands of years alone in a room had limited your patience for all of these things. Dirk coaxed you into drinking something, which tasted awful but helped unwind the knot building in your gut.

He didn't appear to be working very hard right now though, backing you into a corner of the booth and kissing you. You kept his hands from straying too far, pushing him away when anyone walked past the door.

“I swear next time we'll have a real date.”

“I know.” you gave him a small smile and he backed off a little, turning to adjust the music and fade to the next song.

“Hey Dirk, one of the speakers is out.” someone you recognized as having let you two in earlier leaned inside the door announced.

“So?”

“So come fix it, you're the only one that knows how.” and he left without waiting for a response, appearing down on the floor a moment later. Dirk sighed and quickly queued up another song.

“Be right back.” he brushed against your arm on his way out of the small booth, leaving you in the muted room alone. It was small, black and smelled like a million sweaty mammals had rolled around in here. To be honest you didn't even want to think about touching any of the sound boards, you were fairly sure they had never been cleaned. 

You had no problems with Dirk, sure it was strange that he was so different, and pretty much covered in hair, but he wasn't too offensive about it. You couldn't say the same for everyone else in this place. As soon as you were in a room surrounded by drunk humans they all seemed a lot more like apes.

“Didn't you get the memo this isn't a rave!” someone shouted from the doorway and you turned to face them. There were two of them and you could practically smell the alcohol fumes rolling from their lips from across the room. 

“Oh shit dude it's one of those aliens.”

“What?”

“No look it's got horns and shit.” they both stepped into the room and you stepped back until you were up against the sound board. You should have closed the door when Dirk stepped out.

“Fuck yeah, I've never seen one of them before.” one of them stumbled closer to you, he was really beginning to invade your personal space.

“I don't think you're supposed to be in here.” you tried, edging to one corner of the room to put a little more distance between you.

“I go where I want, so which are you a girl or a boy?” he asked, looking you up and down a little more intently than you would have liked.

“Go away.” you glanced out the window to the floor but couldn't see Dirk, not that anyone could see into the booth very well anyways.

“Don't be like that, I just want to know if you've got a boy pussy under there.” he laughed, stepping closer to corner you. This wasn't doing anything to improve your opinion of most humans.

“Back. Off.” you ground out through your teeth and you could feel your psionics coursing through you, your fingertips tingling.

“Come on baby I just want a feel.” he breathed on you and your stomach rolled, his breath was exponentially worse than the drink you'd had earlier. His hand groped your thigh and that was it, you were ready to leave.

You grabbed his hand by the wrist before it could travel any higher and brought your other hand up to grab him by the neck. Annoyance flickered on his face but he only weakly tried to pull away. Your first instinct was to fry him until he was crispy but you reigned it in. Murder was apparently considered very grave to humans in your understanding, so you couldn't be sure of the consequences. 

“Don't touch me.” you growled under your breath and let crackling electricity rip through your fingers into him. Your eyes flared while sparks crackled where your hands clutched him. He let out a choked shout, trying to pull away when you could feel his skin burn under the pads of your fingers, but you didn't ease up. Your gaze flickered to his friend standing by the door, still with shock, and he bolted as soon as your eyes landed on him.

You only let the current drop when his legs gave way and he crumpled to the floor in an unconscious trembling heap. You shook the sparks out of your fingers and watched to make sure he didn't get up. Another human came running around the corner and stopped when he saw you.

“F-fuck!” he said, backing up out the door and grabbing at his jacket, a moment later he procured a gun and pointed it at you with shaking hands. 

“I didn't kill him.” you said, holding your hands out in a placating gesture. You could hear other people making their way up to the booth. If this was how they treated a maiming you would hate to see what would have happened if you'd killed the man. He stirred but didn't wake so you stepped back until your shoulders brushed the wall.

“Just don't move!” he shouted with more volume than seemed really necessary. Another man arrived next to him followed by Dirk, thank God. 

“Jesus what happened, Psi are you okay?” Dirk rushed over to you and took you by the arm, leading you away from the slowly rousing man on the floor and standing between you and the man with the gun.

“Fuck will you put that thing away!” he shouted at the man with the gun, more angry than you'd ever seen him. He showed almost as much emotion as you in front of strangers, which was to say almost none, so it was something new in your book.

“No man get that freak out of here or I'm calling the cops, it doesn't belong here.” he swallowed hard, steadying his grip on the gun and keeping it pointed more or less at you despite Dirk between you.

“Shit you're going to kill somebody waving that around, just put it away.” he hissed, less loud but no less angry.

“Like that thing wouldn't kill me? No, either it's leaving or I shoot.” You couldn't see this was simply going to escalate if nothing was done, both parties upset.

“I'm leaving.” you interjected before Dirk could argue further, stepping around him and putting your hands down. Dirk stared at you, surprised, while the man at the door side stepped to leave the doorway clear.

“Let's go.” he sighed but you put a hand on his arm and stopped him. 

“Stay, I'm not worth losing your job over.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter! But I should have another done tomorrow to make up for it :) Thank you for the comments! As silly as it seems they really kind of motivate me to keep writing ^^;


	6. Chapter 6

You left before Dirk could argue any more on your behalf, given a personal escort by the owner with a gun until you were around the block. You hadn't expected such a violent reaction, maybe there was something you had missed about the situation. Not that you had been given an opportunity to explain.

You hurried the rest of the way home, managing to avoid any contact with other humans and jumped up the stairs and back to your apartment. It wasn't that you were so much afraid of the outside world, just that extended periods reminded you how much you enjoyed quiet solitude. You had never enjoyed crowds even before you had been kept alone in a room forever.

You unlocked the door and closed it quickly behind yourself with a sigh, locking it again and starting to head for your room through the dark apartment.

“Rough date?” you started when Kar's voice cut through the dark, not expecting it at this time of night. You turned your bright gaze to the kitchen and he was sitting at the table in the dark, not seemingly doing anything.

“Kind of?” you stepped into the kitchen, flipping the light on and he smiled up at you.

“Can we talk?” he asked kindly, but you could tell it was less of a request and more that he was going to talk and you could join in if you wanted.

“Okay, what do you want to talk about?” you pulled out a chair and sat across from him, resting your chin in your palm and willing this to go quickly.

“I wanted to talk about you a little, if that's okay.” he leaned closer to you, folding his hands together and watching you intently.

“... What about me.”

“Why don't you want us to call you by your name? Calling you Psi seems like... an insult?” his brows furrowed and he regarded you with the same pity he seemed to be so able to stir up for anyone. You took a deep breath, leaning back in the chair and letting your head fall back, staring at the ceiling. This was going to be a long conversation.

“Because I was called the Psionic for a lot longer than I did any other name.”

“It doesn't bring up bad memories?”

“Of course it does, but I'm not the same troll as I was when I was friends with you. I had to live lifetimes as the Psionic, I only spent my first one with you.” you let your head fall forward, combing a hand through your hair and looking across the table at Kar. You were just tired, you wanted to go drown in sopor. He nodded, averting his eyes to the table.

“I just... can I apologize to you for that?” he said so quietly you weren't sure you could hear.

“What?” you narrowed your eyes at him.

“You went through so much and it was all my fault, so... please accept my apology.” he finally looked up at you again and you could see transparent red tears welling in his eyes. He looked so desperately sorry.

“Don't apologize to me.” you stood up, suddenly exhausted.

“Please, I need you to know that I'm sorry.” he grabbed your hand in his and pulled you closer to him, begging you to stay.

“I know that you're sorry, but I don't want your apologies, okay?” you extricated your hand from his and he looked heartbroken. 

“I'm so sorry.” he mouthed, wiping at his eyes and you couldn't leave. You sighed, taking his hand in one of yours and kneeling on the floor in front of him. You spent a long few moments considering what you could say to him that would ease his mind without lying.

“Kar. Don't you think I always knew how that revolution was going to end? Give me better credit as a prophet than that.” you smiled up at him and he looked so confused, reaching a hand up to wipe at his eyes.

“Why would you follow me if you knew it was going to end like that?”

You sighed, having to take another long moment to think of your response; it had been so long since you made those decisions it was almost hard to remember.

“Just because you died doesn't me we didn't accomplish anything; I still believed in your cause. So when I say I don't want your apologies I mean that I really don't want an apology. That said a little gratitude for sticking by you anyways might be nice.” you patted his cheek and stood while he gaped back at you, his eyes still full of tears. You released his hand without another word and headed towards your room, already thinking how nice warm sopor would feel.

“Are we still friends?” he called meekly after you.

“Always, now go to sleep.” you left him in the kitchen and closed your door, ambling over to the recuperacoon and dropping articles of clothing as you went. You paused at the edge of the cocoon while untying the bandana Dirk had lent you to wear; it smelled like him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Fourth everyone! :)


	7. Chapter 7

“It's almost one, time to go man.” you stood behind Dave while he was playing some Alternian video game with the usual suspects. Sollux was losing for once and had resorted to elbowing Dave while Terezi was playing as the great equalizer; her random acts of malice in the game seemed to be Dave's saving grace. Except you were pretty sure that this was a cooperative game and them killing each other wasn't helping.

“Come back later, we're still busy.” he grumbled, reaching one hand out to shove Sollux over when he'd had enough of his elbow.

“Normally whatever, but school starts tomorrow.” you nudged watched Terezi run Sollux's character off the edge of the level and cackle. She had to know what she was doing.

“So? I'll just sleep in class.”

“Aren't you two going to try school tomorrow too?”

“I can't wait!” Terezi turned like she was going to look at you, that shark grin making you worry about her being surrounded by human kids tomorrow. Sollux didn't answer, desperately trying to catch up with Dave.

“Sollux too right?” you asked and Dave nodded.

“Fuck that, I'm not going.” Sollux piped up, looking upset.

“I think you have to little man.” you sat down behind them, watching Terezi's character narrowly miss Dave's on the screen.

“Or what, you'll make me? I'd like to see you try.” he sneered. You knew that not all of the trolls were similar at all to their counterparts beyond looks, but it was still strange. Dave had warned you about Sollux's mood swings but it was so different from Psi who seemed so level. With the exception of whatever had happened the other night at the club. You left him alone for one minute and when you were back he had nearly killed somebody. You hadn't been able to get a hold of him since then, nobody was home whenever you stopped by.

“Hey Sollux, can I ask you something?” you continued watching their little death match on the TV.

“What.”

“What are those marks on the back of Psi's neck?” you had noticed that Sollux didn't have anything like that, and it confused you since they should be nearly identical.

“Uh...” his mouth hung open a little and his character swerved on the screen when he turned to look at you.

“Are you stupid or something?” he asked you, it didn't have quite the intended effect with his lisp though. Terezi and Dave kept playing without him.

“I don't even know why that's a stupid question.” you said and his intense glare faded a little into something of confusion.

“Why don't you ask him.”

“He works so hard to cover it up, I don't think he'd answer me.” you shrugged, noticing that Terezi was paying more attention to you than the game anymore.

“I think you need to go see Darkleer in the basement.” Terezi piped up, giving you a joyless grin. 

“I'm sure he can tell you more than you want to know about it.” Sollux muttered, shaking his head and returning to the video game.

\---

After Dave had refused to go back upstairs with you you gave up and got directions to where Darkleer allegedly lived. You hadn't believed them at first when they directed you to go to the basement, but it's not like you had any other engagements to go to in the wee hours of the morning.

Tomorrow was supposed to be the first day of school for all of the kids, including the trolls. There had been an agreement that it wouldn't be beneficial for anyone to have the troll kids running around without any kind of balance. You didn't know most of them, but you'd heard from Dave that they were all pretty split on the decision of being mixed in with human kids.

You kept going down the stairs until the lights started to wane, they went from well lit to a few sconces on the walls that looked more like emergency lights than anything. It was just plain dim in the proceeding hall at the bottom, cement floors and wood paneling. Surprisingly the door were numbered, though many of them listed that they were storage or offices. You finally made it to one that had no description, just a number, and knocked. There was a loud clang from inside before thundering footsteps and a crunch when the door was opened.

“Darkleer?” you asked to the monolithic figure that stood in front of you. Most people that you met you judged whether or not you could take them in a fight, it wasn't very often that you didn't think you could. But the troll in front of you just looked like a solid animal in sunglasses. Maybe you could take him, but it wouldn't be easy.

“And you are?” he asked, widening the opening in the door and it creaked on its hinges.

“Terezi told me you could help me out, I just have some questions, have you got some time?” suddenly this whole place was reminding you of a dungeon; you wished you had brought a sword.

“Is this likely to take some time? I am a little busy.” he sighed and you swore the entrance to the door breathed air out too.

“Don't think so, it's really just one question.”

“Come in for a moment then.” he nodded and stepped back inside and down the hall, leaving you to follow. You had met most of the trolls by now at least in passing, but very few of them reminded you so much of a dangerous animal.

You followed after him, being careful walking into the very dark room, he apparently could see just fine though. There were piles of scrap metal and tools scattered through the entire place, which seemed to be just the one room. There was a recuperacoon shoved into the corner and surrounded by more scrap. He sat down at a desk with an array of tools and one light that was the only one in the room. He continued working on what you assumed he had been doing when you knocked, like you weren't even there.

“What is your question?” he asked, not looking up.

“Do you know what the marks on the back of Psi's neck are?”

“You're speaking of The Psionic?”

“Uh, yeah.”

“They are remnants of his service as a helmsman on Her Imperious Condescention's ship.” 

“So are they scars?”

“You could call them that.”

“Could you elaborate? I don't think I understand what you mean by 'his service as a helmsman'.” you folded your arms, stepping closer to look at what he was working on. His hands looked big enough to crush melons, but he was working on tiny circuitry. He stopped and looked up at you for a moment before sighing, opening a drawer in the desk he was working on with such force a few items fell off.

“These would have been close to the specifications used at the time he was installed.” he handed you a tablet after selecting a few things on it first. It was a page of text in Alternian and you were about to hand it back before flipping a few pages in. There were diagrams that appeared to be half medical anatomy, half circuitry. There were a few pages of them but it wasn't making much sense to you; was this a medical book or a user manual?

A few more pages and you could tell that it was now steps by the bullet points and lack of more diagrams. Again you were about to hand it back until you came upon a photograph embedded in a page. It was a troll on an operating table with his fingers halfway through being surgically removed at the knuckles. You were suddenly filled with dread. Had Darkleer opened the wrong book for you? 

“Is this the right book?” you asked and he looked up. You tilted the screen until he could see and he nodded. He reached up and scrolled to a new page for you, another photograph, and you were scared to look.

“This shows the connection at the back of the neck, it is an older system that would allow access to the spinal column to disable the majority of motor function.” he pushed the tablet back into your hands and went back to his work.

The photo was small on the page but you could see it well enough; the back of a troll's neck with thick violet wires coiling through the skin and around the bones underneath. Your stomach lurched like it wanted to escape.

“Is this it?” you asked, trying to sound less horrified than you were.

“What do you mean?” he didn't look up.

“Just... would he have these scars anywhere else?” you tried to swallow but the lump in your throat didn't budge. This was all like something out of a bad horror movie, except people die at the end of those and none of the trolls in these photos looked dead.

Darkleer reached up and switched the page for you again.

“He would have had most of the connections along his arms and thighs, but a few others like the neck, scalp, and lower back.”

This page was thankfully a diagram instead of a photo, though no less macabre in subject. There was nothing about it that made you want to know more about any of it, but if it meant this happened to Psi then you were sure he didn't want you asking him questions.

“Why would they do this?”

“He was the power to their ship, according to archives he was the highest echelon psionic recorded.”

“So his psionics worked like a battery?”

“Yes, it is a far more economical way to move a space craft, only limited to the competency of the helmsman.”

“Right... well thanks, I have to go.” you put the tablet down on the corner of his desk and headed for the door. Darkleer didn't even look up from his work when you let yourself out and numbly walked up the few flights of stairs to your apartment. Your mind was reeling with ways that Darkleer must have been mistaken, that surely Psi would have brought that up at some point. That anyone would have told you that.

You sat on the sofa in your apartment and stared at the blank television. You didn't want it to be true, but it did make a little too much sense with the way Psi was about a lot of things. You almost wished that you hadn't found out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized that I have no ending for this story thought out, so it's just going to keep going for a while I guess!


	8. Chapter 8

Everyone was quiet, the high pitch noises of the machine warming up building to a sound loud enough to drown out everyone. The noise kept going up until it seemed like it would shake itself apart, that it had to stop soon before it reached a higher pitch.

It was always a shock when it finally built up the necessary energy, never quite the same amount of time to warm up before it finally brought someone back with one big boom. A deafening crack sounded making everyone jump before the pervading ringing silence. A moment later the heavy thud of a body hitting the floor and flickering light. The figure on the floor was crackling with energy, pulsing red-blue-red-blue.

“Are we in danger?”

“Just keep everyone back.”

The figure drew a difficult shuddering breath, back curving like a bow off the ground before a piercing scream filled the room. The sound was inhuman, so loud and abrupt before it faded to a desperate waning whimper. His muscles trembled, hands grasping at nothing while he struggled to draw in another choking breath.

“Calm down, you're okay now!” Kar rushed over but stopped shy, pulses of electricity keeping him from moving closer. He shouted again, weaker this time, and the electricity cut off as his form loosened, falling limp on the floor and the room was dark.

\---

“Just stay back, he's not going to hurt anyone.”

“And if he does?”

“He won't, just be quiet or you'll freak him out.”

You tried to open your eyes but there was something obscuring them. You drew in a shaky breath, your whole body hurt and your head throbbed like it was going to burst every time your blood pusher beat.

“Sil?” you heard a quiet voice and it took you a few seconds to realize it was calling you by name, an old name. You swallowed and your throat felt like sandpaper, every inhale hurt.

You reached a shaky hand up to remove whatever was covering your eyes, trying to get your fingers around it but they felt thick and unresponsive. Were you dreaming? Your hand felt alien against your own skin and you remembered that you weren't supposed to have fingers, you hadn't in a long time.

Someone's hand grabbed yours and pulled it away from your eyes and you growled, shoving it away and pushing away from them. You fell off the side of the resting slab you were on and hit the floor with a thud that knocked the air from your lungs. You wheezed, trying to draw breath and heard others approaching you. Unknowing fear gripped your chest and you reached out with your psionics, shoving them away until you heard them connect solidly with a wall.

“Shit! It's me, nobody's going to hurt you!” 

You tore off the coverings from your eyes and the room was blindingly bright white. There were three people on the other side of the room, one of them lying limply on the ground, another still getting to his feet and the third... the third looked so familiar. A troll with wild black hair, short blunt horns and piercing golden eyes. He had his hands up in a placating gesture, eyes glued to you.

You scooted back until you were underneath a table in the corner, looking around the room for a way out. Nothing was making any sense, where were you?

“Sil? Everything's okay.” 

“Don-” you tried to speak but your voice caught in your throat like a wad of nails, closing your throat up until you had to struggle for breath. You held up a hand facing him and it glowed red-blue-red-blue, warning him to stay away.

He knelt on the other end of the room until you were at eye level and the sense of familiarity rushed through you again. You knew him, but from where?

“Just calm down. You're okay.” he said quietly and motioned for the other man in the room to back off.

“You have to promise you won't hurt anyone, okay?” he said soothingly, inching closer. His expression faded to worry when you didn't lower your hand, sparks crackling from your fingertips.

“Don't you... you know who I am, right? It's me, Kar, we're friends.” he moved forward on his hands and knees, crawling closer to you.

“You know me, just... relax. Everything's going to be okay.” he reached forward to take your hand and you wanted to tell him not to, to stay away but nothing would come out of your mouth. You couldn't breathe, couldn't move, couldn't do anything and you just wanted him to stay away from you so nobody would get hurt.

\---

You sat bolt upright, or you would have if you hadn't been underneath your desk at the time. As it was you slammed your forehead into the desk with such force you were a little surprised you didn't knock yourself unconscious. You clutched your throbbing forehead with a pathetic whimper, kicking your feet as though that helped the pain. You gasped in a pained breath when you realized how much your lungs ached for air and the world started to come back into focus. It didn't help the sharp pain above your right eyebrow though, it felt like you might have split your skull open.

It wasn't that you had intended to fall asleep underneath your desk while rewiring your monitor, you knew better than that. You swallowed and your throat was dry, the sharp pain in your head evolving into rhythmic stabbing throbs. You took a deep breath but it did nothing to help, if anything it made the throbbing more constant.

You hesitantly lifted a hand from clutching your head, finding yellow blood on your palm. You groaned and shuffled your feet, kicking your desk chair away and remaining under your desk until the pain subsided to something remotely manageable.

You edged your way out from under your desk, a little worried when blood dripped down into your eye as soon as you were upright. You stumbled towards the bathroom, accidentally smearing a bloody hand print on the way down the hall. Nobody else seemed to be awake, so you should have time to clean that up before someone freaks out.

You winced after turning on the bathroom light, groping through the cabinet half blind to try and find something that would hold the split skin on your forehead shut. You didn't even know you could sit up that hard. You grabbed the closest towel and held it to your head while you found what you were looking for.

It took you longer than you would like to admit but finally the bleeding seemed to be under control, you didn't have to lean over the sink anymore. You brushed your hair over your forehead and it actually covered it entirely for right now, you couldn't say how much of a bruise there would be in the morning though. You did a pretty poor job of cleaning up, really who could blame you, tossing the now mostly yellow rag into the laundry bin and stumbling towards the kitchen. You didn't think you lost too much blood, so maybe it was just a concussion making you feel so dizzy.

You drank water until you could feel it sloshing in your stomach then sat and ate something so you could take a pain killer. The clock was telling you it was some hour between late night and early morning. You had been loafing around the apartment ever since your 'date' with Dirk a few days ago. As much as you liked to act like you were above the mood swings that plagued you when you were young, it wasn't so, you still had moods that you just couldn't get out of.

Somehow the blow to the head had actually lifted your spirits, despite the stabbing pain in your forehead you felt pretty okay about everything. It made you want to see Dirk now that you weren't literally rolling around on your floor in self pity. You hadn't entirely decided that you wanted to go see him before you were on your way down the stairs to his apartment. The hall lights were out but you could see just fine, making your way to his apartment and standing in front of his door for a long time, listening to hear if there was a noise indicating anyone was awake in there.

You knocked quietly and stopped to listen for movement. You didn't think you had heard anything but the door cracked open and there was Dirk. Neither of you had spoken about what you were doing together, if it was going to be something more or if you were just enjoying each other's company.

“Hey.” you actually managed a small genuine smile, hopefully he wasn't upset that you hadn't spoken to him for a few days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not going to lie I haven't thought very hard on the ancestor's names. I just kind of went with what sounded right in my head so:  
> Sufferer = Kar???  
> Psionic = Silver  
> Disciple = Feline  
> Dolorosa = Rosa
> 
> ETA: I forgot I didn't add this anywhere in the chapter, the first half of this chapter was supposed to have happened a while ago, so Psi is just dreaming about it now.


	9. Chapter 9

You had been dozing on the sofa when a light knock on the door roused you, it took you a few seconds to realize that it was something happening in real life. You lifted yourself from the sofa and went to the door, not bothering to check who it was before opening it. You blinked the sleep out of your eyes when to saw it was Psi. You hadn't seen him since your failed 'date' a few nights ago and assumed that he was avoiding you.

He gave you such a small hopeful smile and relief flooded through you, you couldn't think of anything that you had particularly done wrong that night, but when someone avoids you like that it's hard not to think the worst.

“Hey.”

“Hey.” you parroted, glancing back inside to check the time; it was way late.

“Sorry, are you busy?” he asked.

“Uh, no come on in. What's up?” you stepped aside and ushered him in. The lights were out, just the dim blinks of light from the television.

“I just thought I'd come down to see you.” he leaned a hip against the side of the sofa, sighing and running hand through his hair. You smiled, taking one of his hands.

“Come on to my room or we'll wake Dave up.” you said quietly and led him down the hall to your room, closing the door and flicking on a few of the lights. He sat quietly on the edge of your bed and watched you. You could feel a weight in your chest when you finally turned to face him and he blinked up at you, extending a hand to come join him. 

Your talk with Darkleer had only been last night and what you learned was still haunting you. It was hard not to think of it, of where he could have scars, how extensive they could be. You tried to push the thoughts out of your head, taking his hand and flopping over on the bed next to him. He smiled and you could see the points of his teeth dig into his lip while he twisted to face you.

“Were you okay after the other night? I should have left with you, sorry.” you sighed, running a hand down his arm.

“Don't apologize, nothing really happened.” he leaned closer to you and you could see one of his eyes was flickering a little, just subtly going brighter then dimmer again.

“Are you okay now?” you asked and frowned, propping yourself up on an elbow and reaching up to cup his cheek in your hand. He looked surprised, turning towards you and pulling his legs up onto the bed.

“What? It's not bleeding again is it?” he asked, brushing your hand off and gently brushing at his bangs, gingerly touching a taped on bandage.

“Jesus what happened?” you sat up and pushed his hands away, grabbing his chin and holding him in place so you could get a better look at the bandage underneath his hair. It was a pretty small bandage, but you could see some yellow soaking through it and swelling.

“I hit my head, it's fine I think.” he said quietly, trying to gently nudge you to get you to let go of his head. It was a little hard to see since your room wasn't very bright, but you could tell that he was likely going to have a black eye tomorrow. He looked to have hit right above his eyebrow.

He was looking up at you, his blue eye faintly twinkling, and you realized there was no way to tell if he had a concussion; he had no pupils. You sighed, pulling him closer for a quick kiss before letting him go and he brushed his hair over the bandage again.

“What happened though?” you asked again, pulling him until he acquiesced and laid down on your bed and you sat up over him, trying to decide if his flickering eye was a really bad sign or not.

“I was under my desk and sat up too quickly.” he said quietly, like he wasn't exactly proud of the circumstances, pulling your pillow closer and curling up. He looked happy though, curling up until his legs brushed yours and reaching up to take one of your hands.

His fingers were so thin next to yours, you had spent a lot of time using swords and weapons. It made your fingers thick and rough, short stubby fingernails and calloused palms. His fingers were slender, tapered at the ends with careful joints and tendons, they seemed so new.

“Gotta be more careful.” you said absently, holding his hand flat between yours and toying with it, curling your fingers with his. The words kept finding their way to the tip of your tongue, you wanted so badly to ask him about what Darkleer had told you. 

“Are you happy?” you asked quietly, squeezing his hand.

“What?” he blinked his eyes open, keeping his hand limp in yours.

“On earth I mean, do you like living here?”

“What's not to like?” he said. “Why do you want to know?”

“Just wondering, I mean you don't seem to like being out of this building at all.” you laughed, stretching out to lie next to him, resting one of your hands over his.

“You're right, I don't.” just the corner of his mouth crooked up and you could see the tip of a fang pressing into his lower lip. His eyes were glowing dim, easier to look at up close.

“Why not?”

“I guess I don't really understand humans.” he sighed. “It's all just very different from what I'm used to, it's a good difference though.”

You smiled, glad the he at least seemed genuine enough about being okay with earth. The urge to ask him more was still pressing, but now didn't feel like the time.

“It's fucking late, why don't you stay here tonight?” you couldn't suppress a yawn, reluctantly letting go of his hand to roll over and turn out one of the lamps next to your bed.

“I don't think it's late so much as early morning.” 

“Shit, really?” you glanced at the clock, 6:30am. It wasn't like you had anything to do tomorrow anyways.

“Can I stay anyways?” he asked.

“Fuck yeah, you want something to sleep in?” you sat up, pulling off your shirt and shades, leaning over him to shut off the other light.

“I'm fine.” he closed his eyes, casting the room into darkness while you pulled the blankets up over the two of you.

“You can seriously take some clothes off, I won't peek I swear.” you couldn't suppress a yawn, shuffling closer to him until you could feel his breath on your cheek, throwing an arm over his waist.

“Hm.” he didn't move, his breaths rhythmic and warm against your skin. It was hard when you were half asleep, but somewhere you felt a little disappointed that he couldn't seem to trust you yet. He wouldn't let you see his scars, didn't tell you about his life before being here, and who knows what else he isn't telling you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, I've been having problems with soreness in my hands and it makes it hard to type :(


	10. Chapter 10

You sat in the Strider's kitchen in the dark, drinking a glass of water. You could kind of understand why you found Kar sitting alone in a dark kitchen last week, something about it felt right. You left Dirk alone in his bed, not wanting to fall asleep and end up hurting him if you had a nightmare. He looked like he needed the rest.

The pain in your forehead was starting to come back, and the stars outside were just starting to disappear. It was mostly just a headache at this point, but you were sure that you had a black eye.

“Jesus fuck what!” 

You turned to find Dave standing across the room in his underwear. He didn't have his sunglasses and his hair was stand up at all angles, despite that he looked completely awake.

“You scared the shit out of my holy christ man you can't sit around someone's kitchen in the dark with fucking glowy demon eyes.” he took a deep breath and ruffled his own hair, stepping into the kitchen and over to the fridge.

“Sorry, I can't really help that.” you watched him rifle around in the fridge until he found a bottle of juice, drinking most of it in one go before closing the door and turning to face you.

“Shit, I know, sorry. I just wasn't expecting it.” he rubbed his eyes and took a deep breath, jumping up to sit on the counter.

“So why are you lurking in my kitchen at seven in the morning. Tell me bro didn't put you up to this just to freak me.”

“He didn't, I'm just getting something to drink.” you couldn't suppress a small smile, Dave always seemed so suspicious of his brother. He hummed in response, finishing off his bottle of apple juice.

“So are you going to be my new alien space mom or what.”

“What?” 

“You and my bro are an item, right? Or did I read that wrong.”

“I don't really know.” you leaned forward to rest your chin in your hands.

“I just assumed, I mean with the sleepovers and private wrestling sessions.”

“I only got here an hour ago.” you sighed, not really sure what Dave was trying to get out of you. The two of you hadn't ever really had a conversation before, at least not privately; you just didn't have anything in common besides friends.

“Do you not like me?” you asked, watching to gauge his reaction, it was much easier to do without his sunglasses.

“I don't hate you, I just don't know you. I know Sollux, and you two are really different.” he yawned, hopping off the counter and tossing the empty juice bottle in the trash.

“Do you not like me being around your brother?” you asked, trying to understand.

“I'm not his keeper.” he stood by the table and crossed his arms, goosebumps rising on his arms.

“Then why ask me if I was going to be your 'space mom'?” you weren't quite sure what that even meant, or if it was an insult.

“You're thinking too hard about this, I just said that because I thought it was funny.” he shook his hair out, turning to leave the kitchen.

“Just-” he whirled around to face you again and stopped, his brows knit together and squinting at you. He looked a lot like Dirk. He didn't say anything for a long time, drawing a breath like he was going to continue before sighing.

“Don't go all psycho on him, I can't tell if you're a serial killer yet.” he pointed a single finger at you, accusingly.

“I'll try not to.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hand is better, but I have to be working on my cosplay for Otakon, that crap's coming right up! x_x;


	11. Chapter 11

You could hear Dave shuffling around, getting ready to go to school and keeping no mind to stay quiet. You heard him grumbling and shuffling, then finally the door to the apartment slammed shut and locked and you relaxed into the bed, slipping closer to unconsciousness. Somewhere you could hear movement, but it was difficult to tell if it was happening around you or just in your dream. You felt the mattress dip and it dragged you back towards waking. The blankets shifted over you and something brushed your arm; for a moment your sleep addled mind thought it was Dave pulling some prank on your before you remembered that Psi had stayed last night.

You kept your eyes closed, waiting until you could feel him settle next to you, fingers brushing yours. You were glad that he had stayed, even if he hadn't seemed 100% comfortable next to you last night. The thought crossed your mind why was he was getting back into bed now, you didn't remember him leaving, but you brushed it aside.

He sighed, breath running over your arm and you couldn't quite suppress a quirk of your lips, not able to keep the facade of sleep much longer. Still not fully awake it was easy to make a decision in the moment and you grabbed his hand, swinging your other arm over him and squeezing him to your chest. He made an undignified squawk, his horns bumping your chin while you rolled over and dragged him with you until he was splayed over your chest. 

You blinked your eyes open, looking down at him while you squished him to your chest. He was wide eyed, blinking up at you in confusion, one arm pinned beneath you the other between your chests.

“I didn't know you were awake.” he said quietly, sounding surprised and a little shaken. Now that you were looking, he definitely had a black eye going. A dark circle of black and yellow surrounded his eye and you could see there was some swelling. You reached a hand up to brush his bangs off his forehead, pushing them back to expose the bandage. It was a dirty yellow and mostly soaked through, but it seemed dry.

“Your head hurt?” you asked, running your fingers through his hair until you reached the base of his horns.

“Not badly unless I touch it.” he relaxed against you, shifting to remove one arm from under you and resting his chin on his arm over your chest and you relaxed your arms around him.

“Looks painful.” you brushed his cheekbone just below where the bruising started, sighing and watching him rise and fall with your chest.

“Does it? I'm scared to look.” 

“You've gotta come up with a better story for it though, sitting under a desk just isn't cool.”

“Sorry, am I not cool enough for you?” for a second you thought he was seriously asking before his face broke with a smile.

“Just tell people you got it wrestling a bear and we're good.”

“Somehow I don't think anyone will believe me.”

“I don't think I've ever heard you tell a joke, of course they'll believe you. It's just all in the delivery.”

“Oh?” he shifted to a more comfortable position, curling his legs against your side and sliding one arm up your chest to rest across your shoulder.

“Yeah, just say it with a straight face.”

“Mm. And if they ask me where I found a bear?” he turned his head, resting his cheek against your ribs and blinking up at you with those wide alien eyes you were growing to love.

“Ugh, I don't know, sass them until they leave you alone.”

“I think I know even less about that than I do about fabricated bear fights.” he smiled at you again and pushed himself off your chest, leaning above you with an arm on either side of your shoulders. You looked up at him, unable to see much besides the dim glow his eyes let off in the dark room.

Sometimes it could be hard to tell where exactly he was looking, his eyes had no land marks so you just had to gauge as best you could without irises or pupils. He pulled his lower lip into his mouth to wet it and let it slide out from between his teeth, glistening with saliva. You let your hand slide from his hip to rest on his thigh, reaching a hand up to brush some hair from his face and tuck it behind his ear. He barely let you move your hand away before he reached up and ran his hand through his hair, brushing it down to cover part of his face again.

“What?” you asked, giving a small laugh and cupping his cheek. He was so picky about his clothes covering everything, you didn't know he was quirky about his hair too.

“I like my hair how it is.” you could feel his cheek heat up under your palm. You slid your hand around to the back of his neck, pulling him down to meet your lips.

“Sorry, didn't know.” you murmured against his lips and he gave a small shake of his head, brushing his lips against yours before pressing against you. You ran your tongue along his lower lip, feeling heat begin to rush to your groin when he made a soft noise and parted his lips. You delved into his mouth, his sharp teeth prickling against your tongue when his split tongue brushed against yours.

You sighed into him, wrapping an arm around him and gripping his thigh with the other, trying to drag him closer. He took the hint, parting from your lips briefly to shift until he rested with his knees on either side of your waist, straddling your hips. He leaned over you, stealing short messy kisses while you ran your hands up his thighs, over his hips to push his shirt up his waist. He paused again to sit up and pull his shirt off, having to take a few moments to extricate his arms from the long sleeves and peel it over his horns. You sat up on one of your elbows, enjoying the view; it was still too dark in the room for you to really study his skin, but you couldn't help wondering about his scars again.

He dropped his shirt off the side of the bed, returning his attentions to you and running his fingers through your hair. You sat up, wrapping both arms around his waist and burying your face in his neck before delivering a soft kiss. His hands traced down the back of your neck down to your shoulder blades and you could feel feather light tingles from his fingertips, barely there traces of his psionics. You hummed against his skin, lightly scraping over the thin skin just where his neck met his shoulders before latching on to it. 

He let out a breathy moan while you worried at his skin, desperate to leave a mark on him. Your hands stroked down his back, circling his waist that felt so slight in your hands before reaching down to grope his ass. You reluctantly pulled away from his neck once you were satisfied with your mark, kissing up to his jaw before he craned his neck down to meet your lips.

You pulled his hips down to grind against yours and caught the surprised moan in a kiss, starting to feel desperate to have more skin on skin contact. You parted from his lips, feeling his breath ghost over your cheek while you brushed your lips over his cheek bone, reaching a hand up to thumb through his black eyelashes of his bruised eye. He sighed and his warm damp breath ran over your skin, lightly scraping his nails between your shoulder blades.

“I want you so bad right now.” you muttered, barely able to keep your voice steady with the throbbing heat between your legs that he was hovering just above. He pulled a charcoal lip between his teeth, the sharp points digging into soft flesh while he looked down at you with those burning eyes. You slipped a hand between the two of you, palming his bulge and rubbing your fingers in where his nook was beneath the fabric. He let out a harsh breath, pushing his hips down into your hand and letting his teeth scrape over his lip.

You couldn't take much more, moving your hand to undo the fastenings on his pants before hooking your fingers into them and pulling them down. He leaned back, lifting his hips to help you remove them and having to climb off you for a moment before dropping them off the edge of the bed and climbing back on top of you and gripping your shoulders. His bulge was fully out of him, brushing against your stomach when you pulled him up against you.

You brushed a hand down the small of his back and over the curve of his ass, cupping it before sliding your fingers underneath him to touch the wet edges of his nook. He sat up a little straighter, leaning against your shoulders for support and spreading small electric tingles through your muscles. You rubbed at his opening, pressing against it with your fingers but never pushing inside and drawing increasingly desperate gasps and purrs from him while his bulge left slick trails against your belly. Finally you relented and penetrated him with your fingers, pressing in until your knuckles touched his outer edges.

“Dirk please.” he gasped, squeezing around your fingers and digging his nails into your shoulders. Suddenly you weren't sure how much longer you could hold on, drawing your fingers out of him and pressing your lips to his to stifle the pitiful whine he made at the loss. You arched under him, wiggling until you managed to kick your underwear off and sighing at the friction when you rubbed against his bare thigh.

He pushed at your shoulders until you laid down on the bed, looking up at him on his hands and knees over you. He bit your lip, threatening to draw blood before sucking it between his lips, licking until the sting was gone. You gripped his hips in your hands, pulling him down to rut against him and his bulge curled around your cock. You hissed, running your hands up his sides and back down to rub at his hip bones.

He trailed a hand down your chest, disentangling his bulge from you and fisting the base of your cock, giving it a slow stroke. You muffled a groan, bucking into his hand while he lightly squeezed it in his shaking hand. You pushed at his hip and he sat up, trembling slightly, and you helped him line up your tip to his nook. He slowly lowered himself onto your length and all the air rushed out of him, he closed his eyes as you helped guide him down.

He rested his palms on your chest and you could feel him lightly trembling while he adjusted. You rolled your hips and he sucked in a surprised breath, eyes fluttering open to shine light down on you.

“Move.” you said quietly, licking your lips. He looked so good like this you could hardly believe this was happening. He leaned down and brushed his lips to yours, licking them before he lifted his hips and rolled them back down onto you, suddenly moaning against your mouth.

“Shit.” he gasped, closing his eyes and resting his forehead against yours before rocking up and down on top of you again, making both of you gasp. You gripped the back of his neck and held his mouth down to yours and he let you hold him in the kiss, moaning when you would roll your hips up into him as he thrust down. Eventually you had to part with his lips, needing more air as the pace quickened and he sat up, arms planted on either side of your chest while he rocked against you.

“Fuck, you're so fucking good, don't stop.” you rolled up into him and relished in the sharp hiss he let out, pleasure quickly building low in your gut. You reached down and wrapped your fingers around his bulge and he cried out your name, loud and desperate, while his eyes flared with light. You watched where your bodies connected, his hips pistoning up and down, driving you inside him over and over.

“Shit Dirk, I can't-” he cut himself off with a chirping whimper, his nook squeezing around your cock while he quickened his movements. You drew in a breath through your teeth, trying not to lose it just watching him shake and moan while riding your cock. You squeezed his bulge in your hands and he screamed hoarsely, desperately rolling himself down onto your thrusts up into him.

He was saying what you could only assume was nonsense in Alternian now, biting his lower lip until you could see drops of yellow well up to stain his black lips. His face was flushed so golden you could see it even in the dim light cast by his eyes, a small sheen of sweat glistening on his skin.

When you were sure you couldn't wait anymore he finally broke. You stroked his bulge and he cried out your name, gold fluid gushing against your hand and dripping down over your hips. You grunted and thrust up into him, pinning him down onto you until you filled him and the whole world went white. 

Everything slowly started coming into focus, starting with the ceiling. You pulled your hand out from where it was pinned between the two of you and rested it on his back; he was lying on top of you with his face buried in your shoulder, trying to catch his breath. Your heart was still beating like it was going to explode out of your chest, and you couldn't get quite enough air but for now it felt nice.

You shifted until you pulled out of him and he made a small noise into your skin, then you felt a little prickle of teeth on your shoulder. You laughed, feeling giddy and sated after the round of morning sex, petting his back and giving him a little pat on the ass that made him flinch. He rolled off you and fell to your side just when you were starting to realize how sticky everything was feeling. A brief inspection revealed that your hips were pretty well coated in his cum, as well as soaking into the sheets below you.

You sat up and glanced at him, finding him lying on his side still catching his breath with his eyes closed. You gave him a peck on the cheek before rising from the bed to find a towel and clean yourself up a little. Tossing it over the soiled part of your sheets you crawled in next to him, wrapping your arms around him and pulling him against your chest. You had to arrange his horns carefully, but managed not to gouge yourself just to cuddle him, for now just glad that even if he didn't quite trust you yet, you still had this with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes well, sometimes I just have to write smut. Serious happenings can be in the next chapter :)


	12. Chapter 12

It was early morning and you sat alone in the kitchen, fiddling with some wiring in a small device Sollux had fried a few days ago. It appeared to be beyond repair, but Karkat had insisted you try anyways or else 'he'll pout like a fucking slime beast about it for-fucking-ever until someone buys him a new one, and I don't want to be that troll'. The small troll did have a way with words, even if it wasn't exactly eloquent. 

You had no real qualms with the younger set of trolls, but they seemed to be afraid of you for the most part. The last time you had seen Sollux you walked into his room and found him with Feferi, the young empress. She let out a small 'oh glub' as soon as she saw you before scrambling into the closet and slamming the door, like that was really escaping. Sollux forced you out the door before you could ask any questions about it. While you waited for Sollux to come out Karkat had mentioned she was probably just trying to be nice by leaving you alone, which made you understand her actions even less. Sollux then acted like it had never happened.

A wire crumbled in your hand and you dropped the whole thing on the table, this thing was so far gone. You could hear someone making their way towards the kitchen and turned to face them, not wanting to surprise anyone after Dave notified you of how unpleasant your eyes could be in the dark; it was Rosa. She smiled pleasantly and shuffled over to the stove, adjusting the tie of her robe and raking a hand through her hair.

“You're up early.”

“It's not really early when you never slept.”

“Is something wrong?” she looked worried, flicking the lights on and leaning over you like a doting lusus.

“Nothing is wrong, I just couldn't sleep.”

“You're feeling okay though?” she reached forward and brushed at your face, you could smell the sopor on her.

“I'm fine, really.” you brushed her off and she reluctantly backed off, not looking satisfied.

“Have you been having trouble adjusting to a diurnal schedule?” she filled a kettle with water and set it on the stove, watching you from the corner of her eyes.

“I sleep when I'm tired.” you shrugged and she came down to sit across from you, folding her arms over her chest. She hadn't raised you from a grub like she did Karman, but she was the closest thing you had to a lusus too. 

“Do you not like to sleep?” she was prying, you could see it on her face.

“I like sleep just fine.”

“How would you know if you never try it?” her black lips quirked and for a moment you were almost jealous at how beautiful she was, even after just crawling out of a recuperacoon. You didn't answer her question, there was no point. She was just going to keep asking you and you had no answer that she would accept without argument. Sopor was pleasant enough, but sometimes the weightless sensations brought back bad memories, even the sopor couldn't keep all your dreams away. Your subconscious seemed sure you were still a helmsman.

Finally the silence stretched long enough that she caved, sighing and standing to retrieve two mugs.

“How are things with Dirk?”

“Fine.” you leaned forward and rested your chin on your arms against the table.

“I haven't been adequately introduced to him yet, will there be an opportunity for us to meet sometime soon I hope?” she added extra sugar to one cup before adding tea bags and hot water, returning to the table and depositing one in front of you.

“Dave told me that he will be celebrating his birth day soon. I think you could come to his party if you wanted.” 

“Oh? That's the equivalent of a wriggling day, right?” she smiled, blowing on her tea to help it cool off.

“In my understanding, yes.”

“Do you have a gift planned for him? Assuming that's customary for humans as well.” she raised the mug to her lips and tried to look disinterested. You raised your gaze from the table to stare at her from your position slumped on the table, frustrated that she was so inquisitive in all the wrong areas.

Ever since Dave had given you a 'secret invitation', made out of construction paper, glitter, and what you could only guess was Terezi's saliva, you had been trying to think of something appropriate as a gift. It was difficult to think of a gift for someone when you had no money or skills to make anything.

“Is that a no?” she quirked an elegant brow and sipped at her tea.

“Yes, that is a no.” you were fairly sure that didn't come out sounding childish.

“Do you have any ideas?”

“No.”

“Well when is the party?”

“Tonight.” you fought the urge to bury yourself under your arms and slowly suffocate. Rosa was judging you, you could tell.

“Oh, well.” she cleared her throat and you pushed yourself to your feet, shuffling towards the exit.

“Oh, wait, I'm sorry. Come back, I'll try to help if I can.” she called after you, and you considered it until you saw the smile on her lips. Some days it was too difficult to take, her still treating you like you were four sweeps.

“It's fine.” you said as evenly as you could and left Rosa in the kitchen, going to your room and closing the door behind you. Your room didn't actually have any lights or windows in it, the one recessed in the ceiling had no bulb, but that wasn't really a problem for you. You went to sit in front of your glowing computer monitor but just ended up shutting it off and crawling under your desk, inspecting where you had slammed your head last week.

There was no mark, no blood, the desk was unharmed. The bruising around your eye was almost entirely gone now, all that was left was a small lump and scab above your eyebrow that were still hidden under your bangs. The headache that had accompanied the bruise was thankfully gone too.

The thought occurred to you that you just had to never see Dirk again, that was the only way around this problem. Dirk had always been so kind to you, even when you didn't feel you had done anything to deserve it. Now you had a chance to give him something in return and you had nothing for him. You didn't even have any ideas, and that was truly pathetic. What was he going to think of you, you couldn't even ask for his pity.


	13. Chapter 13

Most of the day had passed with you alone in the dark of your room. Rosa had come to try and make you feel better but you knew that you were beyond help at this point, you dug this hole. There was still a while still until the allotted time for the party, but you either had to tell Dave you weren't going or beg him for help.

You crawled out from under your desk and managed to slink out of the apartment without anyone noticing; Rosa had been hovering around for most of the day so you were surprised not to see her. You made it to the stairwell before you were frozen with worry. There was no real way for this to go well, what were you doing anyways?

“Whale look what washed up on shore.” somewhere above you a smug voice called down and made goosebumps rise on your skin. You could just run, but that would involve heading in the direction of the Strider's apartment which didn't seem like a viable option right now.

You turned up to look and could see someone descending the stairs to your level. Arms folded over his chest, as pompous as ever, was Dualscar. He wasn't the last person you wanted to see right now, but he was pretty close. You turned to try and retreat back towards your hall but he stepped in front of you before you could.

“What you're not even goin' to say hello to me?” he glared at you in a way that you were sure he was being an ass on purpose. You didn't rise to his challenge, trying to walk around him wordlessly.

“Fuck, say something will you? I haven't seen you in forever an' you got no reason to treat me like I'm garbage.” he growled out at you, moving to block you again. He leaned toward you and you could smell alcohol on his breath; apparently you weren't the only one who had tried human recreations.

“You don't know what forever is like.” you reached out to physically shove him aside and he actually stepped aside, looking surprised. The action backfired though when he grabbed your arm, twisting you until you were close enough to feel the chill from his body.

“So what are you just pretendin' I don't exist now? You fuckin' owe me.” he sounded desperate behind his anger, but his nails bit into your arm and you couldn't help but try to pull away.

“I owe you nothing.” you weren't angry with him, not yet, but he was seriously invading your personal space and you could feel energy thrumming temptingly through your arm.

“Don't blood mean nothin' anymore.” he grumbled, more to himself than you, and moving to tug you away from your hall.

“It doesn't, actually.” you gave him a sharp shock that made him yelp and let go of your arm. He looked lost for a moment before all of his anger rushed back and his nostrils flared.

“You don't get to decide that!” his volume rose, echoing up and down the stairs, and you backed away, sensing that this wasn't going well. You hadn't exactly been working to diffuse the situation from the beginning.

“And don't fuckin' shock me, pissblood freak!” he rubbed at his arm like you had actually done him damage but the anger seemed to drain out of him all at once. His shoulders slumped and you couldn't recall a time when you saw him look fragile like this. If you had any pity left in you now would have been the moment for it to surface, but all you felt was the urge to leave.

“Can you help me?” he said so quietly you were sure you didn't hear him right.

“What?” you were sure something showed on your face, what was going on here?

“Please, I just want to talk, will you come with me?” he reached for one of your hand but you pulled it away before he could get to it.

“Find Karman for that.” you shook your head but he came closer again and you found yourself backed against the door to the hall.

“No, it's gotta to be you. Come with me!” now he just sounded desperate, but when he grabbed your arm and wrenched you forward you couldn't bring yourself to stop him. Your legs followed after him for their own accord while your brain was telling you to turn and run. He pulled you up several flights of stairs, you stumbled a few times but he pulled you back up by your arm each time.

“You're hurting me.” you said, trying to twist your arm out of his grip but his nails dug in and stung at your skin.

“Almost there.” he didn't relent, pulling you out of the stairwell and to the first door. It was unlocked and he went to push you inside when you dug your feet in. He turned to face you and narrowed his eyes dangerously.

“I told you, you are not goin' to shock me.” he bared his teeth and bodily dragged you inside, slamming the door and locking it behind you. You rubbed your arm where he had pulled you, checking for tears through your sleeve from his nails but found none. He turned to face you and you searched the place for another exit, a fire escape, even an easily accessible window would work for you. There was a number of empty alcohol bottles scattered through the place, undoubtedly he had recently finished most of them.

“Don't look so skittish, I didn't bring you here to hurt you.” his expression was deceptively gentle but his posture was back to intimidating. He was bigger than you, not just in height but bulk.

“You could have fooled me.” you said, backing up when he advanced towards you.

“I just wanted to talk, you know, troll to troll. I ain't got nobody, you know? An' I know you ain't got a moirail either.” he reached towards you slowly, but you backed up. He tried to make a sudden grab for you but you evaded his reach and could see the annoyance pass through his features when he missed. 

“What, you're too good to listen to me now?” he growled through his teeth, walking around you to keep you away from the door.

“I never said that, but you're drunk and not making sense.” you were doing your best to keep your distance from him but he was making it difficult, taking staggering steps towards you.

“Even if I'm drunk you don't get to treat me like this.” he lurched forward and you weren't quick enough backing away. He caught your shirt and dragged you in close, the smell of alcohol on his breath made your stomach turn. You tried to push him away but every second he had he dug his hands in and held you close. The two of you stumbled and nearly fell but he kept upright holding on to you.

“Get off of me!” you were starting to feel panic well up inside you. Any time you got an arm free he would just grab it and pin it to your chest, you could feel your psionics just at the tip of your fingers but they couldn't seem to go any further. Every time you tried his words rang in your head and made it hard to think; you're not going to shock him.

“I used to be so good to you, can't you remember that? You were just a little wiggler without a lusus and I took care of you. I never hurt you, not once.” he babbled, squeezing you in his arms and burying his face into your shoulder. You tried to push him off but he barely budged, nearly lifting you off your feet with his embrace and your height differences.

“You killed my lusus and I was your slave.” you ground out, trying to get a growl to come out low in your throat to warn him away. You felt him still, just the inhale and exhale against your shoulder and his nails biting into your back. He reached up and grabbed one of your horns, yanking your head back until he could meet your gaze. 

“Throw that in my face why don't you.” his eyes wandered over you in a way that made your psionics pulse inside your veins and you tried again to shock him but nothing would come. You tried twisting your horn from his grip but it was tight.

“I see, you're just goin' to look down in me like everyone else.” he growled and shoved you away, you stumbled back a few steps but managed to stay upright. At least until his ringed knuckles collided with your cheek, knocking you back. You tripped over your feet and fell back to the ground, clutching your stinging cheek.

“I'll show you why highbloods are on top. Don't go anywhere.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's kind of a cliffhanger, I'll try to write the next chapter soon! I had to make someone be a huge dick, Dualscar seemed like a viable candidate.


	14. Chapter 14

You came back from working early to find a 'surprise party' from your brother. Unfortunately it was neither a surprise, nor a terribly good party. Dave had decided that since you didn't have any real friends he should just invite his friends. Thankfully he didn't invite all of them, just his three human friends and a few troll kids. It wasn't your ideal party, babysitting your kid brother and his friends, but they had made a cake and gave you a few things like gift cards and a nice pair of headphones.

Most of his friends filtered out pretty early when it became clear how awkward it was to have a bunch of teenagers celebrating a lone adult's birthday. When it was late and Dave and you were finally alone on the sofa, he spoke up.

“I did invite him, Psi I mean. He said he was going to come, sorry he didn't show.”

“Not your fault, he's pretty flaky sometimes I guess.” you shrugged, finding yourself a little upset. You weren't about to be a little kid about it, pouting that he didn't even come to see you on your birthday, but it was a little annoying. It didn't seem like he had much going on any given day, so why couldn't he come see you when he said he would?

After a while you both shut off the lights and went to bed, Dave had school the next day and you were tired from working late all weekend. You were deep asleep when the sound of Dave fumbling in the bathroom down the hall woke you. Was it time for him to get up already? You didn't remember high school being so damn early in the morning.

You were mostly asleep again, dreaming of set lists and synthesizer sounds, when you heard Dave shuffle into your room and the side of your bed dipped. You blearily blinked an eye open only to find a pair of glowing eyes across your bed, not Dave as you had been expecting. Before your conscious mind could make sense of who they belonged to you shouted and launched yourself back, nearly falling off the bed. The eyes jumped back too, flickering and watching you.

Finally your brain kicked in and realized that it was Psi and not some demon monster ghost.

“Fuck you scared the piss out of me.” you gasped, clutching your chest and willing your heart not to explode. You could only just hear the small mumbled 'sorry' from him, casting his gaze to the floor and you could see him shift uncomfortably where he stood a few feet from your bed. It was dark enough that his eyes made the rest of the room shadows.

“How'd you get in here?” you reached an arm out towards him as an invitation. He took a hesitant step toward your bed, kneeling on his knees next to you on the bed when you took his hand and pulled him closer.

“I let myself in, sorry.” he spoke quietly, keeping his eyes downcast and slipping his hand out of yours.

“It's fine, just wasn't expecting those eyes.” you let out a tired chuckle and rubbed at your eyes and checking the time; it was almost 2AM. He apologized again and some alarm rang in the back of your head but you were too tired to inspect the thought.

“You staying?” you asked, unable to suppress a yawn. He gave a small affirmative hum and you reached out to grab him, pulling him down to lie next to you. He laid next to you stiffly for a while until you couldn't take it anymore, reaching out and brushing your fingers through his hair, but he shrunk away from your hand.

“Something wrong?” you opened your eyes and found his were open too.

“I'm sorry I missed your birth day party.” he whispered and it made you smile and close your eyes again, throwing an arm over his waist. He flinched and squirmed a little under your arm but stilled after a moment, marginally relaxing.

“Things happen, I understand.” you murmured, face half pressed into the pillow and already feeling the clutches of sleep creeping back over you. He said something back, so quietly that it didn't register to you, you were too far from waking.

\---

As usual Dave managed to wake you up at the ass crack of dawn getting ready for school. You sighed and shifted, finding a warm weight between your arms. You gave it a squeeze and a breathy chirp sounded making you open your eyes. 

It was still dark in your room, the sun wasn't high enough to hit your windows and Psi was curled up in your arms, his back facing you. He was still wearing a full set of clothes instead of pajamas and was hiding most of himself under the blanket, burying himself in a pillow. You brushed your lips against the back of his neck but paused when you felt roughness on his skin.

You carefully sat up and extricated your arm from underneath him without rousing him, brushing his hair from his neck and leaning in. It was still too dark to see properly though, especially with his already gray skin. You considered turning the lamp on to get a better look but decided that it was too risky and would probably wake him. Instead you tried your cell phone, carefully shining the light over his neck and pushing the high collar of his shirt down.

It was still too dim to see very clearly, but there were a number of crescent moon scabs and scratches along the back of his neck over small black bruises. You were suddenly worried, remembering how he had been so quiet and skittish last night. He had even 'let himself in', which you were now realizing was impossible seeing as you left the chain on the door.

You could feel the frown forming on your face when you leaned over him, having to put a hand in front of him for support. His face was mostly buried in the pillow which had seemed cute before but now just seemed like he was hiding. His eyes were closed and he looked relaxed, but his cheek was marred with a black and yellow mark and a few cuts and scrapes.

Your heart leapt in your chest and you reached over to turn the lamp on, putting a hand on his shoulder and rolling him out of the pillow. His brows knit together and his eyes fluttered open, blinking at the light. You grabbed his chin and turned his head to face you, noting a few spots of yellow blood on your pillow. 

He couldn't quite keep his eyes open to look at you, his nocturnal eyes having more trouble adjusting to the bright lamp on the table next to you. He tried to push your hand off and turn away but you brushed his hands away, holding him still.

It had hurt you to see him with just the black eye two weeks ago, seeing this was excruciating. His face was swollen an bruised, thick slices marring one of his cheeks. You could just see the beginnings of a ring of bruising around his neck, peeking out from under his shirt collar. His upper lip was split and swollen, curling up to reveal a broken tooth beneath when he bared his teeth at you and renewed his efforts to push you off.

You relented, letting go and he immediately turned to bury himself back in your pillow, curling up and covering his head with his arms. Your heart crumpled in your chest and you leaned over him, resting a hand gently on his shoulder like he might break.

“Jesus Psi what happened?” you were panicked, sure that he wasn't going to answer you but needing to know if he was okay.

“Please, can you just let me look? I need to see if you're okay.” you kept your voice soft, gently pulling at his arms and he let you pull them away. You coaxed him into facing you and you cupped his face in your hands, brushing your thumb gently over his cheeks and turning his head so you could see his neck.

“Who did this?” you didn't look him in the eyes, pulling his collar down to inspect the bruising down his neck. It looked painful, but not like anything was ruptured. Meanwhile he wasn't responding to your question.

“Are you hurt anywhere else?” you asked, brushing his bangs back and he shook his head. You couldn't tell if he was lying or not.

“Can you just tell me if you're hurt?” you sighed, relaxing a little that it didn't seem as bad as you had originally feared.

“Just some bruises.” he shook his head and his voice was quiet and hoarse and it broke your heart. You leaned down and gently embraced him, fighting the urge to squeeze him in your arms.

“Fuck don't scare me like that.” you muttered into his shoulder and felt one of his arms circle your shoulders and rest his hands on your back.

“Sorry, I'm okay.”

“Christ, don't apologize.” you pulled back, looking down at him and studying his damaged features.

“Who did this?” you tried to say it as calmly as you could but you were ready to go out and beat the shit out of whoever did this.

“Orphaner Dualscar, he-” his voice cracked and all he could manage for a second was an empty wheezing noise before he gave up trying to speak. It made you feel a little better when you saw his cheeks color in embarrassment, at least he seemed to be feeling okay.

“Well I'm going to go beat on him until he shits blood, if that's okay with you.” you were only half joking. His lips quirked up just at the corners and he nodded, seeming to be in better spirits than you probably would have been in.

You stayed with him in bed for a while longer, even managing to get a few smiles out of him. His voice came back sporadically but was still quiet. He took a shower and the temptation to try and join him was almost overwhelming but you resisted. He came out looking cleaner but still pretty pathetic, his limp hair dripping onto the shoulders of a pair of your pajamas hanging off him. He wanted you to give him a scarf to cover his neck but you distracted him with putting bandages on his cheeks and neck.

You made lunch for the two of you and were shocked when he ate twice as much as you expected him to. You had never actually witnessed him eat food before so some part of you was surprised he ate at all, much less so much. You corralled him into lying on the sofa with you, putting on a movie that he only made it halfway through before falling asleep. He didn't wake when you carried him back to your bedroom and settled him into your bed, sitting on the bed next to him and surfing on your computer next to him.

It occurred to you while you were sitting next to him that he wasn't the damsel in distress you had been worried about all day. He had is psionics, couldn't he defend himself with those? All he had to do was pick someone up with them and walk out of the room, how could he let this happen? You reached down to brush his hair and he stirred.

“Psi?” you said quietly, gauging whether he was asleep or not. His only response was a quiet purr, but it was still a response.

“Why didn't you defend yourself against Dualscar?” you murmured quietly, wondering if you should even ask. He didn't move for a long time and you thought maybe he was asleep after all.

“He told me not to.” his voice was quiet and sleepy and he didn't open his eyes. His answer didn't help you understand any more.

“Why would you follow his orders?” you closed your computer and studied his expression but it never changed.

“I had to, he's my superior.” he mumbled lazily and it was the first time you'd heard him lisp, just a little hiss through his fangs. His answer was upsetting, but at the same time you hadn't even been expecting a response at all. You recalled the time before when you had found him engrossed in his computer; you'd had a conversation with him, then found out he had that entire conversation without realizing or remembering it. Maybe he actually was asleep right now? And if so, how much of a breach of trust would it be to interrogate his subconscious?

“Is Psionic actually your name?” you whispered, putting your computer on the table and leaning in close.

“No.”

“What's your name?”

“Silver.” he lisped out and yawned, nestling into your pillow. You tried to look nonchalant in case he woke up, but he didn't stir any further. Guilt settled into your stomach and you couldn't ask any more, already half regretting what answers you got out of him. If he didn't know he was talking to you it just wasn't fair.

You leaned down and kissed his temple, easing out of bed and leaving him to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Got this done quickly since I can't stand cliffhangers either. I'll be going to Otakon this weekend so probably no updates until next week sometime! :)


	15. Chapter 15

Dirk had made you feel more welcome than you ever expected, he never asked why you were in his apartment instead of yours. The first day you found yourself exhausted, but Dirk was obliging and let you fall asleep next to him on the sofa during a movie. You woke up some time later in his bed with him sitting next to you, typing quietly on his computer. He reached down to pet your hair and you felt so surprisingly okay with everything.

He never asked you why you decided to come to him in the middle of the night, not that you would have had an answer for him. You had unlocked his door with psionics to let yourself inside before even thinking about what you were doing, unsure if you were looking for comfort or protection, and he had welcomed you anyways.

He dabbed at your broken lip, dutifully replacing bandages at the back of your neck and your cheek. If he was bothered helping you with these things he was good at hiding it. You slept curled up against his side for most of the next night with his arm locked around you, waking when your exhaustion couldn't keep nightmares away anymore. Your arms were still sore, but your throat wasn't so raw anymore and your voice was back.

He stirred a few hours later, giving you a squeeze before yawning and opening his eyes, smiling over at you. Something fluttered in your stomach and you forgot what you were thinking about. He kissed your forehead and stretched in bed, joints cracking.

“Sleep okay?” he asked, his voice deep with sleep. He rubbed at his eyes and combed through his hair, his gaze finally resting on you and reminding you that you never answered him. You nodded and he smiled at you again, brushing his fingers over your cheek and you let him. You'd never had this closeness with anyone before and it was something you were finding hard to pull away from. 

It was when he would pull you out of bed and you'd slip into some of his clothes, you could feel yourself being drawn after him. He lifted you to sit on the counter while he made breakfast, and you wanted it to stay like this. Nothing about this planet felt normal to you before now, and when you watched him come over and lean against you it started to feel like maybe you had a place here after all.

It was just the two of you during the day when Dave was away at school and it was nice to do whatever you wanted. He tried to follow you into the shower but left when he figured out that you weren't going to let him turn the lights on. You dressed in his clothes and felt a secret thrill being surrounded by his scent.

He tried to get you to come out with him to get groceries but you refused, something curled in your gut when thought about leaving his apartment. Dave came home while Dirk was out so you hid in Dirk's bedroom when you heard him unlocking the door. You could hear him coming down the hall but were at a loss for what to do.

“Hey Bro-” Dave swung the door open but froze when he saw you sitting on his brother's bed.

“Sorry, didn't know you were here...” he trailed off and you could see his eyebrows scrunch up just above his shades. You had managed to avoid seeing him last night, so he hadn't seen your bruises and bandages, and apparently Dirk hadn't mentioned anything to him either.

“What happened to you?” he dropped his backpack by the door and took a few steps closer to the bed, planting his palms at the foot of the bed and leaning over to get a closer look at you. You had only seen Dave that once without his sunglasses on, but he still looked unnervingly like a younger Dirk. Maybe Dirk felt strange looking at Sollux too.

“Are you okay?” he asked quietly, and you could just barely see him blink behind his dark sunglasses.

“I'm fine.” you said, glad that your voice didn't crack or waver. His concern surprised you, he had no real reason to worry for you.

“Where's Bro?” he sat on the edge of the bed.

“He should be back soon.” you said and he nodded, staying silent for a long time.

“Are you going to stay here?”

“I'm... not sure. I can go if you want.”

“No, no I don't mean it like that. I just mean, I know you and Bro are pretty close, so if you wanted to stay for a while I'd be okay with that.” he sounded like he was rambling and stood once he was finished, pushing his glasses up his nose and grabbing his backpack before leaving you in Dirk's room. You listened to him bumping around the apartment, then eventually Dirk returning from the store.

You spent the next few days holed away in the Strider's apartment and managed to avoid any contact with the outside world. Dirk had to leave one evening to work and kept apologizing to you until you shoved him towards the door. One night you found Dave hunched over a sheet of unrelated but similar numerical equations that he told you were 'home work' and you helped him. He asked how you knew about math before a flush rose to his cheeks and told you 'never mind'. Both brothers' mouths hung open when you pulled out your broken tooth that had become loose in preparation for a new tooth to grow in.

By the time your swollen cheek had returned to normal and your bruises were fading it was starting to dawn on you that maybe you weren't as intrusive in their life as you had begun believing. Nothing about you being with them disrupted their schedules. You had been content before with Kar, Fee and Rosa, but now were starting to feel something more than that. You hadn't even seen the three of them in almost a week now and were okay with it.

One day when Dave was away at school there was a knock on the door. Dirk went to answer it and you stayed on the sofa, curled up and trying not to be apprehensive about who was there. It was two suited humans that looked vaguely familiar to you. All the trolls were technically visitors to this planet and it had been explained to you that their government liked to keep track of all of you to a certain degree. You know that they asked for a few favors from Darkleer or Aranea, but they hadn't bothered you so far.

“We were told to check here, we're looking for uh, Mr. Psionic.” one of them said, sounding unsure about your name.

“What do you need to see him for?” Dirk stepped to the side, blocking most of the door.

“We just need to talk.” the other said. Dirk half closed the door and turned to face you, shrugging his shoulders.

“It's fine.” you said and he stepped aside. In the movies that you had seen with Dirk and Dave it was your understanding that men in suits were somehow supposed to be intimidating, but you just couldn't see it. It was just another pair of humans in uncomfortable clothing. They followed Dirk inside and he sat next to you.

“We were hoping to speak to him alone.” one of them said pointedly to Dirk and cleared his throat. Dirk looked less than pleased but stood anyways, brushing a hand over your shoulder on the way back to his bedroom.

You sat through their pleasantries and greetings, though you noticed that they seemed somewhat intimidated by you. You could see the quieter one sweating and trying not to stare.

“Is there something that you want from me?” you finally asked. There were only two reasons you could think of why their human government would want to speak with you: you had done something they didn't like or they wanted something. For now it was refreshing to be asked, you couldn't have expected the same courtesy from trolls.

“Oh, well uh, we were hoping to speak with you about your knowledge of space. That and, more specifically, space travel. Mr. Darkleer has been very helpful in giving us information on your race's vessels and specifications, but he isn't able to help us with uh. Well, that is to say, you're the one with the most experience in things like that?” he seemed flustered by your direct question but gibbered out a reply anyways. He took a deep breath and it seemed to help calm him, though his hands were balled together in his lap.

“You'll have to be more specific. Do you want to talk about what I know, or talk about what I can do?” your throat threatened to seize up at the thought of space. Nothing about looking up at the sky made you feel at ease, much less the thought of being in open space again.

“Both, I think?” one of them piped in and you nodded. It took them several moments of looking between you and themselves, studying a notebook one of them had, and adjusting their ties before they spoke again.

“So, our planet is still in very early stages of space exploration, not anywhere close to where your civilization was. But with your help we could accomplish so much more. Now, Mr. Darkleer has agreed to work with us building a ship, but he's expressed concern about our obsolete power supplies.” he paused, opening his hands towards you and losing his train of thought. Something in your chest felt like it was solidifying into a weight and you knew where they were heading in this discussion.

“So, that's what we're here to ask you about.” the other added, sounding weak.

“You're asking if I would power the ship?” you said, finally identifying the feeling in your chest as anger. It had been a long time since you felt deeply legitimately angry, even after Dualscar you hadn't felt like this. They knew what they were asking, if they were working with Darkleer he would have told them.

“Yes, we were hoping you would at least consider it. We would of course compensate-”

“You are aware it would be a permanent position?” you cut him off, working to keep the light from your eyes in check.

“Uh, yes, Mr. Darkleer had mentioned-”

“Then why would you even ask me?” your voice came out sharper than you would have liked. Some deep part of you wanted to lift them up and shake them around a little, then watch them run away. You managed to keep it in check.

“Well, um, we're really sorry, we just thought-” they were both sweating now, the muscles in their legs twitching like they wanted to stand and run.

“I served in a ship for thousands of years against my will, and you just thought I might miss it?” you could feel tendrils of electricity sparking between your horns. They both stood, spouting apologies from their ugly red faces, you could smell their fear from your position across the room.

“Sorry, we'll leave, we're so sorry. We won't ask you again.” one of them backed towards the door, hands up while the other fumbled with the door handle, it slipped through his sweaty fingers.

“Stay away from Sollux.” you said from between your teeth and they nodded, finally able to open the door and rushing out, closing it sharply behind them. You could hear them speaking just outside the door but didn't stay to listen.

You stood and walked to Dirk's bedroom, knocking on the door and waiting for his permission before coming inside and lying on the bed next to him. He had his laptop on one knee and brushed through your hair when you rested your head on one pillow.

“What did they want?”

“I don't want to talk about it.”

“Is there a problem or something?”

“No, they said they won't bother me anymore.” you reached out and wrapped an arm around his waist, curling closer to him. He rubbed a hand up and down your back and you felt the static fade from your veins, the knot in your chest slowly easing. The thought of giving this up hurt somewhere deep inside you and you would fight if you had to leave Dirk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back from Otakon! Good fun, but tiring, I was dressed up as half dead Sollux on Saturday x)


	16. Chapter 16

Living with Psi helped you learn more about him than you ever knew before. He wasn't very forthcoming with information about himself, but when you were around him all day most days you noticed things about him. He slept a normal amount, but didn't seem to be able to sleep all the way through the night, so he periodically fell asleep during the day. He didn't know how to cook anything, and the concept seemed largely foreign to him. If it was colored green he was certain not to like eating it, but had a well hidden love of sweet things.

As far as you knew he hadn't been back upstairs to his apartment in the almost two weeks since he arrived just after your birthday. You went up at one point before the bruises on his face looked any better to tell Rosa and the others where he was. She seemed somewhere between relieved and annoyed, but let you go without much fuss. Since then he had been wearing your clothes, which was fine with you but they clearly didn't fit him. He also refused to leave your apartment for any reason, nothing you offered could coax him to step outside your door. It wouldn't surprise you to find out that he was afraid to leave, but he still refused even when it was with you.

Not everything he did was quirky though, he stopped when he caught you watching him brush his teeth. For some reason you thought it would be different for him with all those sharp teeth, but he looked so normal doing it. Once you found him helping Dave with his math, sitting next to him at the kitchen table and telling him how to do it, step by step. 

You had expected Dave to complain about him being there, sure that he would complain about another person living in your small apartment, but he never did. 

One day on the way out to work your walk took you past a row of shop windows, stores you'd never been inside, and you saw a mannequin wearing clothes that reminded you of Psi. You remembered how sparse his room upstairs had been, how few possessions he had to his name. You didn't have much time before you had to be at work, but stopped anyways and ended up with more than just the shirt you saw after the sales people were finished with you. 

You thought of him during your work, until finally you were finished and it was time to go home. It was almost three in the morning by the time you were back and you found him asleep on your bed, curled up on top of your undisturbed blankets. You managed to get him under the blankets without waking him before joining him and quickly nodding off.

Come morning he was awake at your side, one arm thrown over your chest and breathing into your shoulder. You sighed, it felt way too early.

“Time is it?” you grumbled.

“Not sure.” he was quiet and stayed still at your side. You let your head fall to the side and looked at him; his face was almost completely better, he was still missing a tooth and you could see where his lip had been split open but the bruises were gone. 

“Feels early.” you groaned, rolling over and crawling on top of him, burying your face in his pillow. He just let you lie on top of him with a small grunt, halfheartedly trying to push you off. You turned and buried your face in his neck, he smelled like your soap.

“I don't think it's very early, the sun has been up for a while.” he didn't seem too bothered by you lying on top of him. You took a deep breath, winding your arms around and underneath him, effectively pinning him before kissing up his neck.

“Dave is home today.” he reminded you while you were trying to worm a hand under his shirt. You deflated with a sigh.

“We could be quiet.” you ground down against him but he didn't react. Who were you kidding, you were never very quiet. He patted you on the back and you obligingly rolled off of him and studied his face. You were starting to get used to reading his face, but it was still a little hard, he didn't usually give much away in terms of expression.

“Sorry I didn't get back until late last night, you were already asleep.”

“I meant to stay up for you.” he blinked those dimly glowing eyes at you and you smiled, you were getting used to them, slowly. Maybe one of these days you wouldn't jump seeing them in the dark when you woke up late at night.

You leaned forward to give him a kiss and were regretful to pull away, but you were getting carried away and if you didn't stop you were going to crawl on top of him again. The sound of Dave dropping something in the kitchen pulled you apart.

“Oh hey, I almost forgot I got you something.” you threw the covers off and flipped on the light, having to look around for a moment to find where you had left the bag last night. You crawled back onto the bed and he was still blinking and adjusting to the light.

“What is it?” he sat up, watching you curiously.

“Clothes, I saw them and they made me think of you, so I thought you might like them.” you reached into the bag and pulled out a few things. It was a few more things than you had remembered getting, but hopefully he would like something.

“I didn't know your size so I just kind of guessed, I hope they fit.” you unfolded a shirt and held it out towards him, only just noticing his expression. He didn't look happy.

“What?” you dropped it back into the bag and gave him your full attention.

“...Why did you get me these?” he was quiet and you were trying to wrack your brain for what you did wrong here.

“Uh, I thought you'd like them? Are you mad or something?”

“I'm not mad.” he shook his head and averted his gaze, casting dim light on your blankets pooled in his lap.

“Can you explain then? I was just trying to do something nice for you.” you grabbed his hand and he let you take it, finally looking up at you again.

“I don’t have anything to give you in return.”

“Baby, if I wanted you for your money you'd know by now.” you tried to lighten the mood but it didn't help, he just kept his barely there pout.

“I don't have any money.” he moved to get out of bed and you grabbed him around his middle before he could, hauling him into your lap despite his protests.

“Look, I didn't get them for you because I wanted anything back, I just wanted to make you happy. I don't care if you never buy me anything, okay?” you spoke into his hair while he tried to pry your arms off of him without the use of his psionics. He stilled as you spoke.

“I didn't give you anything for your birthday.” he said after a long pause.

“You had a good excuse though.”

“Not really.”

“No?” you pressed your lips into his neck and he tried to squirm away again, keeping his gaze trained forward.

“I should have done better.” he said so quietly you weren't sure if he was talking to you or himself.

“Come on, I don't get why you're getting upset.” 

“Because you deserve better than me.”

You took a deep breath and let it out against his shoulder before scraping your teeth on the skin just above his collar. He flinched and you planted a kiss, working your way up to his ear.

“Are you sure you don't want to fuck?”

“...What?” he asked, turning but he couldn't see you and you kept him in your lap.

“This conversation is seriously heavy for this early, can we start today over?”

He sighed and relaxed in your arms, eventually just nodding and letting his temple rest against yours.

“Good, don't think this is going away though, we'll do it another time.”

You got up and had a shower, he was still lying in bed when you got out and you had to bodily drag him out of it or else he wasn't going to get up. He still seemed a little upset but to be honest it didn't much change his usual manner. You went to see what Dave was up to on his Saturday while Psi showered. Somehow you got Psi to try on the clothes you bought him without having a new argument about it. You had to explain how to put the outfit together with the cute little vest and matching shirt but he accepted your help.

By some miracle you actually picked up the right sizes for him, and once you had the vest on him and finished buttoning it up you stepped back to look him up and down. It made his already slim physique more prominent, but in a good way. The sleeves were long and the jeans fit just right around his hips, emphasizing his good qualities in ways his usual oversized clothing didn't. He looked up to you for approval after pulling the sleeves down as far as they would go, unsure. 

“You look really great.” you couldn't resist stepping forward and touching, running your hands over his chest and hips, down to give his ass a quick grope which he allowed. He leaned into your touch, resting his forehead on your shoulder.

“I'm sorry I got upset earlier. I know you were just trying to do something nice.”

“Mm, still too tired to deal with this, thanks for the apology though.” you said and at least he smiled this time. 

He followed you out to the kitchen where Dave was already most of the way through his lunch, and sat next to him at the table. You turned to deposit a plate of food in front of him when you froze and your heart thudded in your chest. 

Before, when he was wearing your oversized clothes or his poorly fitted ones, he seemed old enough. But now, sitting next to your kid brother you realized that they looked more similar in age than you dared to notice before. Suddenly framing was important, putting Psi in younger looking clothing he looked worryingly young to you.

“Dude, what?” Dave said with his mouth full when your staring passed from the threshold of brain freeze into potential stroke.

“Nothing.” you said but your voice came out weak, you were sure. Psi didn't question you but looked confused. Dave was trying to tell you about some shitty teacher at his school and something about the troll kids but you couldn't hear him properly. Your ears were ringing and you were trying not to keep flitting your gaze between the two of them. You were trying to remember what legal ages were, if those would apply in these circumstances, did he even have a legal age?

Dave eventually gave up and went back to hide in his room left you and Psi alone in the kitchen. You lost your appetite after a few bites and Psi just sat watching you trying not to stare at him.

“What is it?” he finally asked, folding his arms over his chest.

“How old are you?” you blurted out before your brain could stop your mouth from forming the words.

“I'm not sure what the equivalent is in human years.”

“A sweep is two years I think, so how old?”

“Well what do you want to know, how many years I lived or how old my body is now? Those are two different numbers.”

“Uh, how about the second one.”

“I can't say for sure, maybe nine sweeps?”

“Nine sweeps, so that's... oh god.” hearing nine sweeps made your stomach flip over and die, even doubling it didn't make you feel much better. You felt so old and creepy.

“Are you okay?” he leaned forward and his fingers brushed your knuckles, watching you intently.

“Yeah uh, I'm okay. I just thought you were older.”

“If it makes you feel any better I'm much older on the inside.” the corner of his lips quirked and caught on his long fangs and something in your gut finally started uncurling.

“How old is that?”

“I don't have exact numbers.” he said cryptically, standing and taking your plate with him. No matter how much you asked he still evaded telling you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank all the commenters (and readers of course!), it's a silly little thing but comments really help motivate me to keep writing :) Not to mention give me ideas sometimes!


	17. Chapter 17

You didn't mind sleeping, but it did bring you back to places you didn't always want to go. The helms block was one of them. Nothing ever happened, The Empress never showed up, there were no battles or space shifts, just quiet. You spent so long alone in that one room your subconscious could pull up infinite minute details; that one screen that was never cleaned with fifteen fingerprint smudges, the loose metal plate that squeaked when the ship vibrated, the dead beetle in the corner that slowly turned to dust over years, and every pin prick where wires burrowed underneath skin deeper with every year. It never felt like a dream until you would wake up with Dirk breathing into your hair wondering why you couldn't run any of the normal subroutines.

The time it took you to figure out that it was a dream was less every single time, but it was still upsetting. You felt so sure that no part of you wanted to be back there, so why did your brain keep bringing you back when you slept?

You slipped out of Dirk's grip with a well placed pillow and didn't disturb him, he was a heavy sleeper anyways, and pulled on one of his sweatshirts that you found on the floor. It was starting to get cold outside and that kept the apartment cooler at night. You wandered out into the kitchen and poured a glass of water but didn't feel thirsty, just restless. The light shining through the window caught your eye and you stepped closer to find the source.

The human's moon was small, dim, and colorless, but somehow seemed elegant. You barely remembered the moons on Alternia, and with no records of it you could feel the memories slipping through your fingertips. Somehow it didn't seem as important to remember those things, not now anyways.

You felt a strong sense of deja vu and slid the window open, cool air rushing in. You leaned outside and your breath came out in a pale cloud, slipping away from the building. The cold air felt kind of nice, refreshing when you'd been inside this room for more days than you intended to count. You eased out of the window and let your psionics take your weight, floating weightless outside the window for a second before ascending. This was easy, lazily moving through the air, hardly taking any thought at all to use your psionics this way. The building had a lot of floors above the Strider's apartment, but they went by quickly until you were just above the roof.

You paused at the top, brushing the edges of the hot steam coming from the roof but it felt sticky and unpleasant. You flew a little higher but stopped. It had been so long since you had flown anywhere just in your own body, long enough that you didn't even remember the last time. No humans had psionics on this planet, flying might be frowned upon. 

“It's a little cold for a late night pajama flight.” a voice called from not far above and behind you. You couldn't help but jump, spinning and scanning the dark sky.

“It's Silver, right?” she asked, descending slowly so her skirt fluttered but didn't fly up. The female troll only flickered faintly with psionic aura and her eyes didn't glow. Her hair was loose and she was fully dressed, unlike you. She and her curled horns looked familiar but you couldn't place her.

“I go by Psi now.”

“My mistake.” she smiled, her lips curving up in an elegant bow. Something clicked in your head and you remembered dreaming this, predicting this.

“You're the Handmaid?”

“Not anymore, now I'm just Astrid.” she hovered closer and went to fly around your back but you twisted with her, keeping your eyes on her.

“I forgot about your pretty eyes.” she leaned into your personal space and you leaned back, moving away.

“Do I know you?” you asked, slowly floating back as she pursued you.

“I don't know, do you?”

“No.” you answered, not able to call her face up in your memory. 

“That's okay.” she finally stopped trying to invade your space, doing a light comfortable twirl in the air and her hair fell in waves across one shoulder. You folded your arms over your chest, Dirk's loose clothes weren't much defense against the cold air.

“So what are you doing out here at this late hour?” she flipped in the air gracefully, leaving you to wonder if you could do something looking that elegant.

“I don't know, I felt like I should.”

“Did you already see this part? I only saw me coming up here tonight.” she stopped turning, facing you with a genuine smile.

“...What?”

“You're a prophet right? Which part of this did you see already?” she kicked her legs and waved her arms like she was swimming through the air towards you and her hair waved along behind her. Something twisted painfully in your gut.

“Uh, just the moon.” you watched her swim past you and her foot bumped your shoulder.

“Hm, that's poetic.” she smiled down at you and looked so naturally happy that you felt a surge of jealousy. How could happiness come so easily to her like that? You wanted to ask her but couldn't find the wording, it's not like she would have had an easy answer anyways.

“Did you know our descendants were moirails once?” she folded her arms behind her head and puffed out a big white breath into the cold air.

“Yes.” you curled up tighter.

“It made me wonder if we could work out that way too.”

“Sollux and I are very different.”

“Not surprising, he didn't spend an eternity meshed with a ship.” she said that with a smile, floating freely in front of you.

“I was a prisoner too you know.” she offered.

“I know.” 

“So they why aren't you as happy as I am to be free? This planet has so few rules, you can do whatever you want, so why do you hide inside that old building?” 

“If I wanted a moirail to talk to I'd find Karman.”

“Sorry, I was just curious. I don't have anyone to talk to anymore.” she giggled at you while floating upside down, she didn't look very sorry either.

“Speaking of Karman, they're worried about you, did you know?” she righted herself and positioned herself like she was sitting in front of you.

“I didn't know.”

“They wonder why you're avoiding them.”

“I'm not avoiding them.”

“Aren't you?” she gave you a challenging expression.

“If I was would I tell you?” you didn't mean to snap but suddenly this felt too personal, you didn't even know her.

“I don't know, but I would probably be avoiding them if I were you.” she didn't seem offended.

“...What?”

“Aren't they all just a reminder of what got you punished for so long?” her question surprised you, and you couldn't quite form a response.

“No?” you said, but it came out as a question.

“Oh, my mistake.” she smiled at you again and straightened, folding her arms over her chest.

“Well, I don't know about you but it's too cold out here. Maybe I'll see you around sometime?” she drifted down and landed on the roof with grace, looking up at you.

“Maybe.” you said and she nodded, waving before taking the stairs back inside the building. Even walking she kept a fluid grace.

You were caught in thought until a cold breeze rolled over you and you stared descending the side of the building until you made it to the one open window. You drifted back inside and closed the window, still trying to figure out what had just happened. Was that how it was supposed to go? You almost never dreamed new scenarios unless they were prophecies, so it was unlikely that you were asleep right now.

Dirk was still sound asleep in bed, curled around the pillow you had left in his arms. You crawled in next to him and pressed against his side, sighing at the warmth. He grumbled something, dropping the pillow and wrapping around you instead. You still didn't feel tired enough to sleep, but the heat Dirk exuded was comforting. It troubled you though, that maybe Astrid, who didn't even know you, might have deeper insight into your own actions than you. You were stuck wondering if you really were avoiding your friends.


	18. Chapter 18

Psi had been living with you and Dave for almost two months. There had been a breaking point when he finally actually left your apartment to go upstairs and see his friends again. Every once in a while if he was especially tired he would go sleep upstairs in he recuperacoon, but he tried to stay with you. 

He was more laid back now, and him and Dave got along just fine. You could see the face he wanted to make if you ever bought him anything but he never brought it up again. Sometimes he would try to help you with things like dinner or laundry, but he wasn't very good at helping unless he could do it with his psionics. 

He was shockingly uncoordinated with his hands which you never would have guessed. You didn't let him help with dinner after one night you gave him a few things to cut up and somehow he ended up slicing two of his fingers badly enough you wanted to take him to get stitches. You only turned away from him for a second and he didn't have an explanation for how it happened either. He wasn't a tenth as upset about it as you either.

The only reliable alone time you two had was during the day when Dave was at school. This reduced you to having daytime sex, which wasn't ideal but you took what you could get. You had him on his back underneath you with his clothes off and a blanket thrown over the window to keep it extra dark inside.

You kissed his stomach and his thighs squeezed around your waist, you laced your fingers with his. He sighed when you moved up to kiss his lips, peppering light kisses over his face. You sealed your lips against his and moved your twined hands together above his head and pressed down against him. You could feel him tense but didn't think much of it until he jerked his knee in your gut with a swift kick. He caught you off guard with that and it knocked the wind out of you, he got you right in the soft part of your stomach. You could only wheeze and curl into a ball, rolling off him.

He quickly disentangled his hands from yours and jumped out of the bed, slamming himself into the bathroom and you heard the lock click in place. You were finally able to draw a few deep breaths and opened your eyes, sitting up and holding your stomach. There was probably going to be a bruise there or something, but the hurt was fading fast, just leaving you confused. You couldn't think of anything you had done to hurt him, one minute you were kissing and the next you can't breathe.

You put on some boxers, sure that sex was completely off the table one way or another. You could see under the door of the bathroom that the light wasn't on, you tried the handle and it was locked.

“Sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.” you could only just hear him through the door when he spoke quietly, but he sounded mortified.

“I'm fine, are you okay?” you leaned your forehead against the door but you couldn't hear him moving.

“...I'm okay, sorry.”

“Can I come in?”

“...If you bring me clothes.”

You went and found some clothes on the floor then returned, handing them to him through the door before he snapped it shut again. He made you wait until he had clothes on before he unlocked it again and hesitantly opened the door to let you inside. You flicked the lights on and he flinched, having to shield his eyes for a second before he could adjust.

You leaned against the counter and watched him hiding his face underneath his hand, waiting for him.

“Can we talk?” you finally asked and he lifted a few fingers to peek at you. He met your eyes for a few moments before swallowing and looking away with a small nod.

“Can you tell me what that was about?” you leaned a little closer until your arm brushed his and he didn't move away.

“I don't know.” he let his hand slip from his face, studying the wall across from him.

“Could you not lie about it?” you sighed, folding your arms and he looked up at you, face carefully blank. You weren't angry at him, but you did wish he would at the very least not lie to you now.

“I didn't mean to hurt you, I'm sorry.” he pushed off of the counter and went to leave but you caught his arm and dragged him back.

“Look, I'm fine but can we be serious for a second? I just want to know what happened.” you held both of his upper arms, forcing him face you.

“I didn't like it when you put my arms above my head, okay?” he said and tried to wriggle out of your grip but you kept him there.

“Did I hurt you?”

“No, I don't want to talk anymore.” he shoved your arms off and wouldn't look at you but you caught his clothes, making him twist to keep you from pulling them too far off.

“Is it the same reason you only wear long sleeves?” that made him stop and you could see the light behind his eyes flare. He met your stare but he looked angry, something you didn't know he had in him.

“Look, I'm not trying to be a dick about it or anything but would you stop trying to hide these things from me? I already know about the scars thing, so if we can just talk-” he didn't let you finish, he shoved your hands away from him and took a step out of your reach. His eyes were brighter than you think you'd ever seen them and his lips were parted so you could see the points of his teeth.

“Hey, calm-”

“Don't!” he put a hand up to silence you and it was shaking while he stepped away. You followed after him out into the living room but he never let you get close.

“Psi please, just chill. Everything's okay.” you gave him space and he kept away from you, standing on the other side of the couch while his eyes flared.

“No!” he roared, louder than you'd ever heard him and his look of anger faded to hurt.

“You leave me alone.” his voice cracked and he made for the door, you went to follow him but he reached out a hand and his psionics lifted you, leaving you helpless in the air while you watched him go. A moment later you dropped to the floor and ran for the door, but you didn't see him. You hadn't expected any of that.


	19. Chapter 19

You couldn't think straight, nothing was coming clearly to you right now, you just had to run. You hovered just above the ground, your bare toes brushed the rise of each stair on the way up. The only other place you had to go was upstairs with Rosa, Kar and Fee. You didn't hear Dirk following you but you kept a quick pace until you were finally at the door.

It was hard to think anything right now, you weren't sure if you wanted to break something or curl up into a ball and expire. The door was unlocked so you walked inside without knocking, you didn't see anyone on the couch so you just locked the door and made for your room.

“Whale if it isn't old monkey-fucker.” 

It felt like your ribs were in a vice, you couldn't breathe. You didn't want to look up but couldn't stop before your gaze landed on her, sitting across from Kar and Fee in the kitchen.

“Meenah don't.” Kar leapt to his feet, putting himself between you and her, Fee's mouth was hanging open and Meenah shoved Kar out of the way. 

“Sorry, am I upsetting the delicate flounder?” she rolled her eyes and you tasted bile.

Kar made a beeline for you but you numbly walked away from him and towards the window, flipping it open and stepping outside. Fee made a little squeak of horror before you caught yourself with psionics and Kar leaned out, watching you ascend towards the roof.

“Just hold on, I'll be right up!” he called after you. You wanted to respond but everything seemed like it was swimming by too quickly to process and your chest ached.

You made it to the roof but it was cold and you landed messily on your knees, caught in a blur. It hurt to breathe, your chest was tight and you couldn't get enough air. Vaguely you could feel that you hurt your knees landing on them but it all felt disconnected. It was too bright on the roof in the day time so you pressed the heels of your hands into your eyes and leaned back against the lip around the edge of the roof.

You heard the slam of the roof door and someone was speaking, getting closer to you but it was hard to understand what they were saying. They touched your arm and before you could reign in the instinct you shocked them. You could feel the cold wind whipping around you, chilling through your horns and bare feet. Every cold breath of air stopped halfway through your throat and you choked on it, you could feel all the air whipping around you but couldn't breathe any of it.

There was a dull ringing in your ears and you couldn't hear anything besides the erratic pounding of your blood in your ears, your heart felt like it was vibrating in your chest. Your hands were cold and your face was hot, a hand brushed your shoulder and static sparked but it wasn't much. Your limbs tingled and everything was soft around the edges, you couldn't pinpoint the moment that it all went dark.

\---

The next thing you knew you're very suddenly awake. Your eyes were open, you're lying on something soft, and it felt very warm to you. Kar's face popped up in your peripheral vision and you turned to look at him, he was starting intently and he looked worried.

“Hey, you feel okay now?” he said.

“I feel fine.” you brushed a hand through your hair and sat up, everything went blurry for a second but after that it was fine. You were still working to clear up in your mind what happened. You were back inside the apartment, lying on the sofa

“I'm so sorry about that, we didn't think you'd be back for a while so we thought it was safe to... have her over.” he drifted off, voice becoming quiet and he dropped his hand to take yours. His fingers were warm and it just served to remind you how cold you felt right now.

“She's gone now though.” Fee leaned over the back of the sofa and you nodded and leaned back against the arm rest. You brought an arm up to cover your eyes, it was way too bright in here and you felt a headache coming on.

“Oh, are you okay?” Kar's hand squeezed yours but you stayed still.

“I want to sleep for a while.”

They were silent for a long moment before answering you.

“Uh, yeah, okay. We'll leave you alone.” Kar's hand started to slip from your before you gripped his fingers and lifted your arm enough you could look up at him.

“If Dirk comes by, don't let him in.”

“Why not?” his eyebrows furrowed and he frowned down at you.

“Just don't, please.” 

He didn't look like he wanted to listen to you but after a moment he reluctantly nodded, letting go of you and you let your arm cover your eyes again. You didn't want to think about anything right now, just sleep.

\---

The next time you woke up it was dark in the apartment and someone had draped a blanket over you. You looked around but nobody was there, probably all in their rooms. It was so hard not to think sometimes, think of Her Imperious Condescension or Dirk. Part of you deeply wanted to go see Dirk, seek out the comfort he gave you, but he probably still wanted to talk and you didn't have anything to say. 

You went to your room and locked the door. Your computer was off and it had been for a while now, it was just collecting dust. It was dark but you made your way to the recuperacoon, stripping off Dirk's clothing and dropping it in a corner before sinking into the sopor. It was warm and made it easy to fall asleep again.

\---

You could hear a rhythmic knocking, sometimes fast, sometimes slow. It made you grit your teeth and sink into the slime until it covered your ears and muffled it to a dull thud. You still felt asleep, it was easy to think of nothing at all. 

It took you some time to realize that the sound you were drowning out was someone was knocking on your door. Even knowing that you didn't pay it any mind, it would stop eventually.

You lost track of what time the noise stopped, floating in sopor up to your ears while sinking closer to sleep again. You weren't sure of time passing, awareness blinked in and out, so it surprised you when a hand grabbed your shoulder through the slime and physically pulled you up.

You nearly shocked whoever it was but the sopor dulled your reflexes so all you managed were a few sparks before you opened your eyes to see Rosa leaning into your cocoon, hand like iron around your upper arm.

“Why wouldn't you answer us?” she looked so worried, you felt guilty but even that hurt; you didn't want to feel anything right now.

“Why would you break in when I clearly want to be left alone?” you ground out but your voice sounded rusty to you.

“Because you've been in here almost two days, now will you get out of there?” she reached in and grabbed for your other arm but you twisted to keep it away from her. She hesitated to give you a disapproving look, not letting go of your other arm.

“It's not good for you to be in sopor for this long, now come on.” she pulled your other arm up but her grip slipped on your slime coated arm and she didn't get you very far. You twisted your arm and she nearly fell into the cocoon when her fingers slipped and she was forced to let go of you. You sank back into the slime, as far in the corner as you could get away from her.

“Kar, will you come help me with him?” she leaned her head out of the cocoon but kept her eyes on you.

“Just leave me alone!” you growled and she stopped, surprised. She exchanged glances presumably with Kar, just outside what you could see from inside the recuperacoon.

“We're just trying to help, come on. It wasn't even that bad.” Kar peeked over the edge of the cocoon.

“You don't even know what happened.” you muttered, glad that at least they didn't feel like physically fishing you out of the slime now. They looked to each other and shrugged.

“I mean we were all there, she didn't even like, get near you?” Kar sounded confused.

“That's not what I'm upset about.” you folded your arms around yourself, sinking down until you were chin deep in slime.

“Uh? Well, okay, that's good?” Kar scratched his head and stepped out of your view, Rosa just leaned against the side of the opening, peering at you.

“Did something happen with Dirk?”

“I don't want to talk about it.”

She nodded and sighed, folding her arms.

“Well, regardless of your emotional distress, we can't let you stay in there any longer. You're going to have to come out and eat something. Do you think you could manage coming out of there without a tantrum?”

“I can't promise that.”

\---

They did manage to extricate you from your recuperacoon with a minimum of physical contact. The threat of them pulling you naked out of slime like a wriggler was a strong motivator. You showered as quickly as you could manage to get the slime off, the quiet made it hard to stop thinking. You still wanted to dive headfirst into sopor and sleep forever, but they kept you away from the recuperacoon.

You ate some food and felt a little better, less like you were going to collapse on the table. It was one of the many drawbacks to your psionics, you had to eat double just to keep going.

“So do you want to talk about what happened with Dirk?” Kar had been watching you the entire time, not bothering to hide it.

“No.”

“Later then?”

“I don't want to talk about it later. I never want to talk about it.”

“Oh.” he looked hurt and stood up, Fee patted him on the back and he nodded, sulking as he left. You hadn't meant to come off as angry, but as you'd come to discover you were not entirely in control of yourself at this moment. It was hard to keep your emotions off your face, your eyes kept flaring when you were normally able to keep them stable and you ended up shocking everyone that came within an inch of touching you.

Rosa commanded you not to go back to sleep and they figured out how to lock you out of your own room. It wasn't like you couldn't use your psionics to get through anyways, but they kept watch over you too. You could tell by the way Rosa sat next to you that she desperately wanted to heckle you about what happened with Dirk, but she kept quiet.

She tried knitting something, sewing, reading a book, but kept looking up at you. Finally she couldn't hold it anymore.

“Are you- did- can I just-” she stumbled over her words before stopping. She took a deep breath, folded her hands in her lap and gave you her full attention.

“I'm sorry. You know that I don't mean to pry, and I can respect that you said you didn't want to talk about whatever happened with Dirk. I just want to know... are you okay?” she scooted a little closer to you on the sofa.

“...Not really, no.”

She nodded, twisting her fingers together and not speaking for a few long moments.

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

“I don't think so.”

“...Do you want to go back to him, or are are you too angry?”

She was prying, now that she got you started talking she wanted to keep it going. Fee and Kar had long since disappeared, leaving Rosa on duty to watch you.

“I'm too scared to go back.”

“What did he do, did he hurt you?” she moved closer to you again and you moved away, still having a problem with involuntarily shocking people. She still acted like she was your lusus sometimes, it could be nice.

“No, it's not like that.”

“Oh, thank goodness. You had me worried for a moment.” she brushed your shoulder and there was a snap of static.

“Sorry.” you pressed against the arm of the couch, away from her.

“It's fine, my fault.” she smiled, giving you space and folding her arms.

“Would it help if I went to talk to him?”

“No, please don't.” you sighed, covering your face with one hand. You had only been awake for a few hours now and you just felt tired all over again. All you felt like you could do was sleep until this ache in your chest went away.

\---

Fee had been assigned to stay up with you for the night, but she almost immediately fell asleep anyways. You left her on the sofa with a blanket and she curled up into a ball, smiling to herself. You were pretty ready to get back into your room, barricade the door, and swallow sopor but there was a knock.

At first you thought it was the door, but discovered it was coming from the window. It was dark in the apartment and outside the window she was barely visible, but it was Astrid. She smiled and waved, sliding the window up and folding her arms on the window sill.

You opened your mouth to speak but she put a single finger to her lips, motioning to Fee on the sofa. You walked to her and she took your hand gently in hers, her hand smaller than yours. She reminded you to take a coat before you followed her out the window and she pulled you up to the roof with her own psionics in a dizzying rush.

It was freezing outside, making your horns throb in the cold air and she wouldn't let you land on the roof, picking you up with her own psionics. She looked just as happy as she had last time you saw her, and this time instead of jealous you just felt hurt. Seeing someone else happy over nothing just highlighted how unhappy you were right now.

For a long time she just floated freely, dragging you with her if you didn't follow her up. She didn't speak, nor did you, just progressively got colder.

“Did you see this happening?” you finally asked and she stopped her spinning.

“Me? Nope! I just wanted to see you.” she smiled and looked so innocent, floating to your level and taking your hand again. There was no shock between you, maybe it had something to do with both of you being psionic.

“Why?”

“I don't know, I was worried for you. I wanted to see that you're doing well. Are you doing well?”

“Not really.

“Oh, no?” she frowned, drifting closer until her shoulder brushed yours and you could feel her body heat.

“I don't want to talk about it though.” you glanced at her and she smiled and nodded.

“Okay.” her answer surprised you, everyone else seemed so reluctant to stop asking, she was so okay with it though.

“If you don't want to talk, why don't you dance with me?” she took your other hand and led you up until you were in a standing position.

“I don't know how.”

“Want to know a secret?”

“What?”

“I don't know how to either.” she laughed and surprised you with a quick peck to your cheek that made blood rush to your face.

“But do you know what's good about dancing?”

“Hm?”

“You don't have to think about it.”

It was still cold so far up above the building, and you weren't comfortable moving much with her but she never pushed you. She kept up her elegant twirls, once her hair whipped against the side of your neck and wrapped around you. She laughed and apologized, leaning away and it slipped over your shoulder, and you smiled back. She grabbed your hand and spun both of you around until she felt dizzy, giggling, and you were glad for her company.


	20. Chapter 20

You never meant to become as attached as you had gotten to Psi. Sure at first you thought he was good looking, a good lay, and you liked him coming around. But after having him live with you for the past two months, then having him gone it left a hole. There was a void in your bed that you felt yourself running your hands over at night, searching for another body. You found yourself turning out lights in the apartment and closing curtains to keep it dim for nocturnal eyes. 

Dave never asked you for details, but he did express interest whenever you went to go try knocking on his door. Nobody ever answered, and Dave would wait for you to come back, letting you beat him at Tekken to take your mind off it. You were pretty sure at least once he went up and tried knocking too. He told you one day that he missed him too and you couldn't respond past a nod.

One day you finally cleaned some of his clothes off the floor and started to realize that there was a possibility that he would never come back. He'd disappeared before and you trusted that he would come back, but you couldn't even get anyone in his apartment to answer the door. As much as you were hoping for him to come back, you were angry too. 

Why did he think he was allowed to leave you like this? You had always been around for him, even in the middle of the night when he would show up. But as soon as you're trying to get a hold of him he's gone and won't even dignify you with a response. You knew that trolls did romance differently but you were pretty sure this wasn't how it was supposed to go.

You had a dream about him coming back once, that he was standing in your kitchen when you turned around. He started to apologize to you but his face was blank and he didn't mean it. You hit him in the face and woke up, feeling sick. It was hard to feel too angry at him after that, you felt guilty even thinking about doing that.

Dave had a week off for break so he was keeping you company most of the time. Sometimes his little troll friends would come over and you'd leave them alone. Other times he went to visit them, coming back late usually. You didn't bother him about it.

You were working on one of your websites one night when you heard someone running outside in the hall, and a second later Dave swung through the door. He was panting and looked totally uncool, leaning against the door frame while he caught his breath for a moment.

“What's up?” you asked, barely looking up from your computer.

“They're up on the roof, like, right now.” he jabbed his thumb upwards urgently, leaving the door open while he came over to you.

“Who?”

“Psi and Sollux, come on!” he motioned for you to get up and you closed your computer. Your heart was pounding in your chest and you were ready to run upstairs but part of you didn't even want to see him. What if he acted like nothing had happened? Or ignored you or something?

“What? Why aren't you leaving like five minutes ago?” Dave asked, waving at the still open door.

“Yeah, I'm going.” you put your computer down on the table and stood, walking at a normal pace towards the door and closing it behind you, leaving Dave to shrug in the living room. You jogged up the numerous flights of stairs on the way to the roof, eager to get there in case you missed them but worried what you were going to find when you got there.

By the time you made it to the roof you were a little out of breath, it was a tall building and you were near the bottom. You pushed opened the door to the roof and it opened noiselessly despite its bent handle. You didn't see anyone at first and your stomach sank, you closed the door quietly and stepped out. You could hear chittering though that you recognized as Alternian.

You found the two of them on the far side of the roof but didn't approach, neither of them seemed to have noticed you yet. You slowly approached with your arms folded over your chest, having forgotten a coat it was uncomfortably cold up here.

Sollux sat across from Psi on the roof, Psi hovering a foot or two off the ground with his legs folded beneath him. They had what looked like a bunch of stones or marbles floating between them, passing them back and forth. You had no idea what they were doing but Sollux seemed to be complaining about it. Finally Sollux's eyes lifted and he noticed you, most of the marbles between them dropped to the roof.

Psi turned to follow Sollux's gaze and he saw you, his mouth hanging open a little. You could see the flush on his cheeks fade a little but he didn't move. You gave a short wave but he still didn't move, only Sollux did. He stood and chirped something in Alternian, it made Psi blink and finally direct his gaze away from you to Sollux. From what you could guess by his eye movements Sollux rolled his eyes and started back towards the door, leaving you two alone.

You kept your distance from Psi and he eventually straightened, flattening his feet on the ground and his psionics faded away while he stood. He put his hands in his pockets but couldn't seem to raise his eyes to meet yours.

“So?” you questioned, surprised at how calm you felt for the moment. He looked up and you could see the light behind his eyes flicker, he looked unsure.

“Why wouldn't you answer the door when I came to see you?” you finally asked when it became clear that he wasn't going to say anything on his own.

“I didn't know what to say to you.”

“So ignoring me is better?” you prompted and couldn't help that it came out bitter. He lost eye contact again, studying the roof beneath his feet.

“No, not really.”

You sighed and turned around, nearly leaving. This wasn't going well, if he didn't have anything to say to you then it wasn't even worth trying. You don't know why you thought asking him 'can we talk' before would work, he never wanted to talk.

“I'm sorry, I told you I was no good.” his voice was muffled and quiet and it made you turn around. He was crouched on the ground hiding his face in his knees. It was hard to be angry when he was acting so pathetic.

“Don't say stuff like that about yourself.”

He didn't move and you took a few steps closer. You wanted to comfort him but at the same time you hadn't forgiven him yet. You guess he had said sorry, but that didn't mean everything was back to normal.

“Come on, get up. Lets go, it's fucking cold up here.” you offered a hand and he lifted his head so he could see you.

“Go where?”

“I don't know, my apartment? Yours? Maybe somewhere we can talk?”

He looked down at your hand and didn't move for a long time before reluctantly stretching out one of his hands and resting it on yours. His fingers were cold and limp in your hand so you covered his hand with yours, pulling him to his feet and leading him inside. He didn't let go of your hand while you led him down flights of stairs to your apartment where Dave was thankfully missing.

“So do you want to talk or is this it?” you asked, sitting on the sofa and thumbing the lid of your laptop. He stood near the door watching you, his hands folded together.

“And I don't mean that as an ultimatum, I just...” you sighed and ran a hand through your hair.

“You can understand why a relationship might not work out if you can't talk to me, right?”

“Yes, I understand.” he nodded and pulled at the sleeves of his coat.

“So... can we talk?” you tried again and this time he nodded, upset but eager. You motioned for him to come sit next to you and he carefully did. He shrugged of his jacket and you threw an arm over his shoulder, surprising him but he relaxed against you after a minute.

\---

It took a few hours and a few alcoholic beverages to get him to offer you information without you directly asking then coaxing an answer out of him. Getting him to drink wasn't hard when he was trying so hard to be agreeable, he just wasn't able to relax on his own. You didn't particularly want to know the details of various horrible things done to him, but according to him almost all of his life before now was awful, so it was hard to find good memories to ask him about.

There was only really one time he could remember to tell you about that was good, and that was the time he spent with his friends. He told you about Karman's revolution, how he, Fee, Rosa and Kar would travel together and he helped them with his prophecies. 

He told you a little bit about the space ship, a bare minimum of details was good with you. From what you could gather there wasn't much to tell that you hadn't already learned from Darkleer. From the way he told it he was tied up in a room, alone, for a long time and there wasn't anything else to tell.

You wanted to ask about Dualscar but it was getting really late and he had slowly been sliding down your arm and was now resting his head in your lap. You might have given him one too many drinks, occasionally a lisp would slip through his lips which you only knew him to do when he was asleep. You considered continuing to question him, since sometimes he would respond to you in his sleep, but decided it would be healthier for you to finish this conversation together.

You gently roused him and guided him to your bedroom, he needed a hand so you really had given him too much to drink. He curled up on your bed when you laid him down on it and you kept an eye on him while you undressed. His eyes were closed and you pulled the blankets over both of you, lying at his side. He didn't open his eyes but reached out and grabbed you, dragging himself closer until you put an arm around him.

“Thanks Dirk.” 

“What for?”

“Being so nice to me.” he yawned into your shoulder.

“What can I say, I've got a soft spot for you.”

You felt the prickle of his teeth on your bare shoulder and his breath.

“Hey, no biting.”

“I wasn't.” 

“Mmhm.” you shook your head and settled in, closing your eyes and listening to him breathe slowly in and out next to you.

“Can you promise me something?”

“Wha?” he still sounded drunk, so he wasn't asleep yet at least.

“You're not going to just leave like that again? Because I can't keep chasing after you.”

He was quiet for long enough that you were worried that maybe he was actually asleep. If you didn't get an answer sleeping was going to be hard, worrying that you were going to wake up and he'd be gone. He scooted up and brushed his lips against your cheek, resting his head on the pillow next to yours.

“I wanna stay here with you, I don't like being anywhere else, if that makes sense.” he muttered and you couldn't help but smile a little.

“I didn't hear any kind of promise in there.”

“I promise.” 

“Whatever, close enough I guess.”


	21. Chapter 21

It was bright, and your head hurt and your stomach twisted in your gut. You buried yourself under a pillow and Dirk's arm gave you a light squeeze, reminding you where you were. You felt a little like you might throw up, but the bed was so comfortable and you didn't want to get up.

You could hear Dave, he might not even know you're here. You managed to close the curtains with your psionics, it helped but everything still seemed overly bright. You took a deep breath but it didn't help quell the nausea in your stomach. Then you remembered saying yeah, why don't I drink some alcohol to loosen my tongue. Things got fuzzy after that. That was only the third time you'd ever had alcohol and apparently you still had to learn when to stop.

Despite Dirk's best efforts to keep you in his grabby octopus arms you got out of bed without waking him. You still had all your clothes on from yesterday, they were a little wrinkly but mostly fine. Standing didn't make you feel any better but was necessary to get water from the kitchen. Dave was playing some game on the television and did a double take when he saw it was you coming from the bedroom and not his brother.

“Hi Dave.” you said on the way to the kitchen and he responded with a quiet 'hey'.

After that most things went back to the way they were before. Dirk seemed happy to have you back, though he did sometimes ask you hard questions. He was especially interested in Orphaner Dualscar at first, though you knew that he probably didn't really want to know everything. There wasn't much about your past that was nice to know. You didn't have much bad to say about Dualscar besides the fact that he killed your lusus, you certainly didn't like him, but hate was too strong. After that Dirk didn't ask about him again.

Sometimes he would do little things to try and get you to let him see your arms. You were finding it difficult to stay calm about it, thankfully Dirk never pressed you on it. He got you to put a tshirt on once and sit and watch a movie with him while Dave was at school. He didn't stare to try to touch your arms, but you still couldn't stop your hands from shaking and didn't remember what movie you had watched once it was over. It made you wish that the marks didn't bother you so much, part of you had thought it might be just simple to not care about them.

You let him brush your hair back sometimes, he didn't even notice the marks on your temples until you pointed them out, and somehow that made you feel a little better. They were worst on your arms and legs though. He managed to get you to leave a light on one day when you had sex, after he got you sufficiently distracted.

Everything was going so well as it was, and it was more of a relief than you had anticipated to let Dirk know things about yourself. Before you had to be defensive, but you didn't have to think about lying or evading his questioning anymore. For the first time in your life you got to think about good things that could come to you instead of dreading bad things.

Dirk got really excited one day when you fixed Dave's computer, he had come home one day with a bag of parts after he dropped his netbook on the stairs up. Dirk grumbled and they went to look at new ones on Dave's desktop, but you looked and the parts were all still there, the screen wasn't even broken. It took you a few minutes and one corner of the plastic was broken off, but it whirred to life and started booting up like normal. When the brothers came back they stared at it like they were seeing a ghost.  
Dirk said you could try making money fixing computers, which sounded absurd with how simplistic most human computers were, but he seemed convinced. 

One afternoon you were waiting for Dave to come home, watching Dirk play a game, when someone knocked at the door. There weren't usually visitors, at least not until the evening, but Dirk dutifully got up to answer it, swinging the door open before checking. Your heart leapt in your throat when it was Orphaner Dualscar on the other side of the door. You fought the urge to jump over the back of the couch and hide like you weren't there, he already saw you anyways.

“Uh, what?” Dirk asked after several moments of silence before Dualscar had introduced himself. You realized that Dirk had no idea who it was.

“I'm here to see the Psionic, so budge off will you.” he sneered and stepped forward like he expected to be let in. Dirk slammed the door in his face and put the lock in place, turning to look at you.

“Do you know that guy?”

All you could do was nod numbly, listening carefully for the sounds of Dualscar outside the door. It was against everything that your brain was telling you to let Dirk treat him like this.

“Should I let him in?” he jabbed a thumb towards the door, starting to look confused by your silence.

You shook your head.

“Fuck you open this door filthy human.” you heard him pounding on the door and it rattled, making Dirk slide the dead bolt shut.

“Who is that?” he sounded suspicious.

“Uh, that's... Orphaner Dualscar.” you knew your voice came out small but you couldn't do much better. It took Dirk a few seconds to place the name and you could see the change in his posture when he figured it out.

Dualscar was still pounding on the door, getting progressively louder as time passed. Dirk came over to you and took your arms, guiding you to your feet.

“Come on.” he led you to the bedroom and had you sit on the bed, putting his hands on your shoulders. He was treating you a little bit like a kid, but somehow you were okay with it.

“Stay here, okay?” he gave you a little smirk and was already closing the door before you found words.

“What are you going to do?”

Dirk stopped and turned to look at you again, hesitating.

“I'm going to tell him to leave. Just stay in here with the door closed.” he gave you a smile and clicked the door lock in place, closing the door behind himself. You could hear him walking down the hall but after that it was silent. You pushed yourself back on the bed until your back was against the headboard, hugging your knees and staying as quiet as possible.

It wasn't that you were terribly scared of Dualscar, but things had been going so well for you and he just had to show up. Dualscar was a high blood, he was larger than Dirk and much larger than you. What if he hurt Dirk? What if he killed him? Would you have it in you to do anything to stop him? You had trouble with that before.

Before you had more time to worry you could hear the front door slam and Dualscar shouting. You couldn't quite make out what he was saying but he didn't sound pleased. It seemed awfully early to be drunk, but then again it wasn't like he had much else to fill his time with these days.

You pressed your palms over your ears, you couldn't listen to this, whatever it was that was going to happen. You kept your eyes on the door but with no sound everything was as calm as ever. There was just the thrumming of your heart beat through your palms. Every time you drew a breath you could hear it and thought about going out there, but you kept telling yourself to wait. You were moderately certain that Dirk wasn't just telling Dualscar to leave, he had gone into detail once how hard he was going to hit him when you told him about your past. If that was what was happening, you really didn't want to hear it happening.

You felt a vibration through the floor and couldn't take it anymore, you were on your feet and at the door. You hesitated with your hand on the doorknob but carefully opened it, peeking down the hall. You couldn't see much of the living room from where you were, but it seemed quiet and you didn't see either of them. It took you a few more seconds to work up to stepping out of the bedroom and down the hall.

The front door was open and you still didn't see either of them. You took your time making your way to the door before you noticed a smear of violet on the floor. For a moment it felt like you were dreaming, that you were going to wake up and this was going to be some weird dream, but it wasn't. You nudged the blood with your foot and it smeared, still wet. You swallowed but it stuck in your throat.

“Hey, I thought you were waiting in the bedroom.” Dirk was at the door and you stepped back automatically to get out of his way. You watched him while he closed and locked the door, noting the numerous spots of purple on his arms, a smear across one of his cheeks.

“He's gone, in case you were wondering.” he smirked and walked toward the kitchen and you trailed after him. There was some of his strange red blood on his hands too, but there wasn't much that you could see. He was washing the blood off his hands and arms in the sink, it came off without him even having to scrub.

“Are you okay?” you regretted asking it as soon as the words came out of your mouth, he looked fine.

“Yeah, are you?” he turned and put an arm around you, hugging you close. You just nodded, wrapping your arms around him and leaning close, resting your chin on his shoulder.

“I don't think he'll be coming back any time soon.” Dirk murmured close to your ear, running a hand up and down your back.

“Thank you.” you leaned back and gave him a kiss, feeling the crippling fear you felt earlier melt away. It was one less thing you had to worry about in the back of your mind, and it felt nice having Dirk protect you like that. 

“For what? I beat him up because I wanted to.” he laughed and you smiled into his shoulder. 

“But no, maybe you can sleep a little easier knowing he won't bother you again, at least I hope?” he spoke into your hair and you nodded.

Even when you had been with Kar Fee and Rosa, you had always kind of been the one protecting them with your psionics. You didn't have to fight for every little thing on this planet, and even when you did have to Dirk had your back. Somehow Earth was starting to feel more like home than Alternia ever had.


	22. Chapter 22

It was later than you usually liked to come home after working, so you weren't expecting anyone to be awake. Sometimes Psi would be up if he couldn't sleep, it was a nice surprise when he was, but you were ready for bed whenever you came how whether he was up or not. The lights were on when you unlocked the door and came inside but you didn't see anyone.

You shut out the lights and headed down the hall, finding Dave's door open with the lights on. Psi was sitting in his computer chair and Dave was slumped on his stomach on his bed with his face buried in a pillow. Psi looked up when you stepped inside the doorway.

“What's up?” you asked and Dave lifted his head to look at you.

“Dave... isn't feeling well.” Psi said in a way that made you think he was trying to be politically correct about whatever was going on. This whole setup was suspicious.

“Is he sick?”

“In a manner of speaking, yes.” he folded his hands together over his lap, turning to face Dave who groaned.

“Do you want to explain?” he asked Dave who let his head fall back into his pillow.

“No.”

Psi nodded and watched Dave for a few more seconds before standing and coming closer to you.

“In my understanding, he drank too much alcohol while with friends and made himself ill.” he took your hand and gave you a greeting peck on the cheek. You leaned in and gave him a more in depth kiss which was interrupted by a groaned complaint from the other side of the room. You left Psi by the door and sat on the bed next to Dave, giving him a slap on the back that made him hiccup and gag.

“Well look at you, feel like an adult?” he might not remember much of your heckling in the morning if he was drunk enough to puke.

“Lemme alone.” he groaned and dragged a pillow over his head.

“Don't worry, you'll hear from me in the morning. Sleep on your side.” you dragged him by the arm until he was on his side and shut out the lights, leading Psi back to your room. 

You closed your door and started stripping off your clothes, so glad at the prospect of lying down in your bed. You weren't as young as you used to be, 3am was pushing it.

“Isn't it against the law for young humans to drink?” Psi asked, sitting on the corner of the bed and watching you undress.

“Yeah, you're supposed to be twenty-one.”

“So is Dave going to be in trouble?”

“You mean with the police?” you threw your shirt in the corner and unbuckled your belt, Psi just nodded.

“Nah, I wouldn't turn him in. He might be in trouble with me tomorrow though if he doesn't have some really good fucking answers.” you finished stripping down to your underwear and approached Psi. He just looked up at you, still fully clothed, so you grabbed at his shirt and started pulling it off him.

“Glad you were here though, I wouldn't want him rolling around drunk and alone.” you dropped his shirt to the floor and smiled at him, brushing your fingers through his hair. It was so different from when you first met him, he had been so nervous around you. Now he even let you see him without his clothes on in the light. Not that it hadn't been a process to get here.

“He'll be okay tomorrow though?”

“Hungover, but he should be okay. Come on, you're way overdressed for a pillow party right now.” you got him to stand and take his pants off, but he reached over and turned the light off when you turned to kick his clothes in the pile of dirty laundry. He settled into bed next to you and the room fell into darkness when he closed his eyes.

“Are you angry at him?”

“Nah, not really. Maybe I'll pull the guilt card and just say I'm disappointed?” 

“What about me?”

That made you open your eyes again and look down at him.

“What about you?”

“I don't think my body is the human equivalent to your legal alcohol consumption age.”

That made you laugh a little and he opened his eyes to look at you, the light behind his eyes dim.

“As far as I'm concerned you're an exception.”

“Hm.”

He closed his eyes again and pulled the blankets up higher over the two of you, breathing slow and regular against your shoulder. You were already thinking of what to say to Dave tomorrow but sleep came upon you before you got very far in that train of thought.

\---

As it turned out Dave didn't need your speech of 'I'm not angry I'm just disappointed'. He was sick enough even the next day that you almost felt sorry for the little idiot. Almost. He went back to school the next day and it was back to you and Psi alone at home all day, which was fine by you.

You had corralled him into the bathroom and the shower was running, waiting for the hot water to make it to your tap. He sat on the counter while you kissed your way across his neck, running your hands over his skin, beneath his shirt. You were already down to your underwear and he was still fully dressed, that seemed to be how this usually went.

Some days it was easier to get him to let you see him in the light, but the bathroom had harsh bright light and you understood why he might be especially adverse to it. But you really wanted shower sex, really bad.

He sighed and you pushed his shirt up, leaning back to admire the pale mark you left on his neck. He hesitated before letting you pull his shirt off and drop it to the floor, but he wrapped his arms around himself and looked away.

“You really don't want to turn the lights off?” he asked.

“Showering in the dark wouldn't be very safe if I was going to be alone in there, much less with two people.” you caught his lips in a kiss before he could argue, arranging his arms around you shoulders and pulling him close until he was flush with you. He shivered and you dipped your fingertips into the waistband of his pants, teasing the soft skin just at the upper curve of his buttocks. 

His teeth scraped your lip and he pulled away to apologize, running his tongue over the bead of blood welling up. You pulled him off the counter and worked at the fastenings on his pants, but you could feel him curling into himself again.

“Baby I'm going to make you feel so good you'll forget you were even worried.” you breathed into his ear and divested him of the last of his clothes. You pushed him back into the shower and he let you lead, his cheeks were burning gold and he kept glancing around nervously. You took care to keep your eyes on his, he would notice if you checked the rest of him and saw his scars.

You closed the door behind the two of you and let water run through your hair for a few moments before backing him against the tile wall. You were close enough to the tap that water ran down your back and over your shoulders if you leaned back. His eyes flickered with uncertainly so you started out slow, running your arms up and down his sides and gently touching your lips to his. He brought his hands up your arms and you could feel his fingers trembling, nails scraping your shoulders and the little pricks of static he couldn't always control.

You slowly leaned into him and sighed when your already half hard cock rubbed against his hip. You were embarrassingly hard for the amount of stimulation so far, but you'd had wet dreams about shower sex with him since before you even slept together. He slowly kissed you back, taking his time getting comfortable and keeping his eyes carefully shut.

You pressed one of you legs between his, easing his apart and pressing gently against his bone bulge. His bulge wasn't out yet but he sighed at the touch, pressing down against your leg when you rubbed it back and forth. The water slicked your skin against his, keeping the friction low and making you press harder against him. He adjusted his arms so he could lean on your shoulders for some support, parting from your kiss and his lips brushed your cheek. 

His breath was coming in shaky pants, small gasps coming each time you rutted against him. You reached a hand down and rubbed your fingers over him then back to tease at his nook. He let out an alien chirp and you felt the tip of his bulge against your palm. Your cock was already painfully hard, but you wanted him to be good with this too, so that meant a little patience.

You kept rubbing him with your fingers until he worked up a low purr that let you know you were doing good. His bulge still wasn't even halfway out though, just slowly curling against your palm. It even retreated back inside him a little when you squeezed it with your fingers. 

“Sorry...” he breathed against your cheek and shook his head.

“Does it not feel good?” you asked, resting your hands on his hips and touching your forehead to his. He swallowed and half opened his eyes to look at you and they were flared bright.

“No, no, it's good. I...” he took a deep breath and shook his head again. “I guess I'm still a little nervous when you can see me.”

“Do you want to stop?” you were pretty sure your dick was going to fall off if you didn't do something about his hard on soon, but you also weren't going to force him into anything.

“No, just ignore it, keep going.”

You leveled your gaze with his and didn't say anything for a long few moments, trying to gauge whether he really meant what he was saying or not. He bit his lower lip and sighed, closing his eyes again.

“Dirk, if I wanted you to stop you'd know by now. I just... can't always... when I'm nervous.” he sighed and brought a hand to cover his face and you were embarrassing him. You kissed the back of his hand and wrapped your arms around him.

“Sorry, I just want to make sure I'm not doing anything you don't want.” you rubbed your hips against his and kissed what you could reach of his cheek around his hand. He let it drop and peered at you through narrow eyes, looking a little mortified.

“Come on, where were we?” you brushed a hand between his legs again and touched the damp edges of his nook. His bulge was gone again but he pushed down onto your fingers and dragged his lower lip between his teeth. His eyes closed and he let out a low moan when you worked two fingers into him, slowly thrusting in and out.

You leaned into his shoulder and rubbed against his hip again with a hiss, your skin felt like it was burning and the steamy air in the shower cloying. You kept the pace with your fingers slowly and eventually his bulge tickled your palm again, but again only a little. He reached down and grabbed your wrist, stilling your motions and you slipped your fingers out of him. You fell forward into him and pressed your mouth to his, forcing your tongue against his and pinning him against the wall. He moaned against you, holding you close to him with his arms around your neck.

You didn't want to part from his lips but you had to get more, he chased after your lips but you sank down nearly to your knees. He slipped a little when you hooked your arms around his thighs and lifted him up, pinning him between you and the wall and settling his legs around your hips. He grabbed your shoulders like he was afraid he was going to fall, but you reassured him and he relaxed a little, crossing his ankles behind your back and shifting in your arms.

You had to take a second to breathe and calm down before continuing or this was about to be really short. You took in his form, his hair was stuck to his forehead and cheeks in wet clumps. His lips were only just parted while he caught his breath and his eyes were still closed, but you could see just the edges of light bleeding from between his lids. His cheeks were bright yellow and you leaned close to kiss them but you had to stretch up to do so. You settled for kissing at his neck, leaving a matching mark next to the one you made earlier and he chirped, squeezing his legs around you.

You shifted your grip on his hips until your pulsing length was pressed to his nook, slowly sliding in him while he moaned and pulled you closer. You had to stop again when you were finally seated inside him, trying to catch your breath and holding his weight against the wall. He got impatient though and rolled his hips against yours with a purring gasp. You cursed into his shoulder and thrust against him, you could hear his back hit the wall but he moaned.

You worked up a steady rhythm but kept it slow, you had been waiting for shower sex for so long and now it was finally happening and it was going too fast. He scraped his nails over your shoulder blades, fingers digging into your muscles and it helped. The small shocks that were usually just skin deep crackled on your skin and left your muscles stinging, but he usually didn't even notice he was doing that.

He let you do the work, occasionally pulling against your shoulders or holding your hips against his with a squeeze of his legs around you. His bulge still wasn't out but he seemed to be enjoying himself without it, his nook squeezing around you. Everything was working up so quickly for you though and it was getting hard to make this last.

“Fuck, bite me.” you groaned into his shoulder before you could think about the words coming out of your mouth, desperate for some other sensation besides his tight nook.

“What?” he gasped out after a few seconds of silence, unable to suppress a small cry when you gave an especially hard few thrusts.

“Bite me.” you ordered and pounded him against the wall, needing something to ground you or you were going to lose it. You were reminded of all the times you'd felt his teeth scrape over your skin, or prickle against it and you wanted to feel that sharp sting. You straightened and pressed your shoulder against his lips and felt his teeth brush your skin.

He whimpered and you thrust more gently, trying not to jostle him when he had those sharp teeth against your skin. You felt his teeth press into your skin before withdrawing but you pressed against him more insistently. He breathed against your shoulder and there were his teeth again. You muttered breathy encouragements and felt his teeth pull at your skin, the sting made you grit your teeth. He moaned against your skin and you could feel the vibration before his teeth sank into your skin. It was sharp and it hurt but in a good way, it made your stomach curl in your gut and your fingers dig into this thighs.

“Fuck!” you thrust so hard and forced him against the wall, working against him as fast as you could and hearing his back hit the wall with each thrust. He drew his teeth away from your shoulder and clung to you, crying out your name. His nook squeezed around you and he trembled in your grasp, whimpering your name as he came. You groaned and finally let go, filling him with a few more rough thrusts before slumping against the wall.

You were both gasping for air and your legs were shaking from holding both of you up. He was hanging limply off of you when you let him down and put him on his feet. His legs shook too and you had to hold onto each other for support. Your shoulder throbbed but it didn't hurt really, and the water washed away the majority of the blood.

Somehow you managed to get reasonably clean while engaging in sloppy post sex make outs in the shower. You didn't even bother putting a bandage on your shoulder before stumbling back to your bedroom behind him. 

He didn't even bother putting clothes on before collapsing onto your bed wrapped up in towels. His cheeks were still flushed yellow and his eyes were closed. You dried yourself off and watched his chest rise and fall, he was mostly uncovered on top of your bed.

You had a good view of most of the more well hidden of his scars that he worked harder to keep you from seeing. They were just pale circles on his skin, almost like freckles, they didn't have any depth to them. The thickest were down by his ankles, ranging from the size of a pencil to as thick as your thumb. They trailed off as they went up his legs, more thicker ones were clustered on the inside of thighs and his towel covered the rest. There were thick clusters all up and down his spine, but his shoulders and sides were free from marks. 

You told him over and over that they didn't look bad, nobody would mention them if he wore short sleeves. He would just nod and never do anything more besides cover them the same way he always had. 

You toweled off your hair and sat on the edge of the bed next to him, running a hand down his side. His skin was soft and dry, the side of his ribs unmarred by any scars, just gray and perfect. He didn't react to your touch so you leaned over and checked; he had already fallen asleep. You untangled the wet towels from him and threw the covers over him, letting him sleep. After all, he could do whatever he wanted now that he was on Earth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to all the commenters! ^^


	23. Chapter 23

It was the second day in a row that the two brothers had woken you up. Usually Dirk tried to be careful not to wake you unless he had to, but it never bothered you if he did. Sleep always came and went for you in small blocks of time. You couldn't hear what they were talking about, but it probably wasn't any of your business anyways.

You grabbed one of Dirk's sweatshirts off the ground and pulled it on, covering your arms. The back of your neck was exposed, but Dirk always seemed really happy when he saw you not covering up all of the marks. Dave was just heading out when you left the bedroom and Dirk gave you a greeting kiss that hinted he wanted a little more than just a kiss, but pulled away.

“Hey, I was hoping to ask you about something.” he sat at the table with you while you waited for the toaster.

“Dave was really hoping to go see one of his friends, Jade, over the winter holidays. She apparently lives pretty far, but I was thinking maybe all of us could go? A few of the trolls and kids are planning to go too, I think he said she lives on an island.” he watched you with his hands folded over his chest. Sometimes when he was worried about something he tended to ramble.

“How far is it?” you asked, using psionics to lift the hot toast.

“I'll have to look it up, but we'd have to fly.”

“On what, an airplane?” you had heard of humans using planes to fly, but the closest thing you'd ever been on to one was a space ship. They probably weren't very alike, but you didn't exactly relish in the idea of an airplane based on your limited knowledge of them.

“Yeah, have you ever been on one?”

“No.”

“They're not bad, it's basically just sitting in cramped seats with strangers for a couple hours.” he shrugged like it wasn't a big deal, but basically everything he had just said sounded horrible to you.

The majority of the human race had done nothing to endear you to their species, you did what you could to avoid any contact. You didn't even really enjoy the company of the other children who played the game, but they were acceptable to be near. Dirk and Dave were the only humans you had any desire to even be in the same room with though.

“I'll think about it.” you murmured and ate your breakfast. Based on what you knew now, you did not want to go. You didn't even like leaving this apartment on most days, much less traveling across the planet.

Over the next few days he kept asking you about it. He tried to make it sound okay, and it wasn't that you were opposed to going, it was the getting there that was repulsive to you. You knew that he wanted you to be more open, so eventually you tried to explain to him in a way that didn't sound like you hated all humans. 

Somehow through a combination of continually asking you, begging, guilting, and attempted bribery he got you to say yes. You knew as soon as you agreed that you were going to regret it, but he was so happy when you finally agreed. At least it got him to stop asking you about it.

The moment you arrived at the airport with Dirk and Dave though you knew you had made a terrible mistake. There were people everywhere and you were about to have to go walk amongst them. It wasn't even that they were all humans, just the sheer number of individuals. It also didn't help that you weren't exactly one of them either, you knew not all humans were so welcoming of trolls on their planet.

“I changed my mind, I want to go back.” you said before Dirk could leave you in the cab. He looked confused for a second, checking Dave while he got luggage out of the trunk.

“What's wrong?” he took your hand and tried a little tug to dislodge you from the car; you didn't move.

“I don't want to go.” you felt fairly confident that your expression didn't betray your internal turmoil.

Dirk sighed and reached out, pulling up the hood of the sweatshirt he'd put you that morning and taking a pair of sunglasses out of his pocket to settle over the bridge of your nose. You let him but still didn't move. He'd had enough sense to try and get you to dress in a way that you could stay almost entirely covered up, so as not to draw any more attention than was strictly necessary.

“Come on, everything's going to be okay. You'll be fine once we get on the plane.” he got a grip on both of your wrists and tried pulling on you again.

“I don't want to get on the plane.”

Dave was waiting for you both on the curb putting his arms out as a silent question.

“You're fine, we're on a schedule here though, so lets do the pep talk while walking.” he didn't let you respond before wrapping an arm around your waist and bodily pulling you from the car. You didn't fight him though you wanted to, there were too many people around, you couldn't draw any extra attention.

You watched the cab drive away and the Striders pulled you along into the airport. It was fairly quiet for the number of people inside, and there seemed to be some kind of order that you couldn't discern. Dirk's idea of a pep talk seemed to be locking an arm around your waist and forcing you to walk alongside him. Nobody had given you so much as a second glance yet, which helped you not to fall into a complete psychotic episode.

Security was awful and you got the distinct feeling that there was a divide of people, some that looked like they wanted to take a picture or others who were waiting for you to take a bite out of someone. Thankfully you got to leave all of those people behind and go huddle on a chair while you were apparently waiting for someone to call your number, or something like that.

Boarding the plane involved yet another line, that thankfully Dirk said you could just wait for it to go away instead of waiting in it. You were left wishing that you had never gotten out of bed this morning. You would rather be left in the apartment alone for a week than go through this.

The inside of the plane wasn't very good in your opinion. And you were now aware that you had to spend several hours sitting in this thing breathing the same air as everyone else. You sat between Dave and Dirk after some argument about sitting next to the window. You could have cared less and pushed Dave into a seat before the argument could continue for any longer than it had to. That made them both shut up at least.

You curled up into as small of a space as you could physically occupy and Dirk put an arm over your shoulders. You didn't lift your head from your knees to look at him. 

This whole thing was a terrible idea. You were more surrounded than you had ever been by humans, and you were about to have nowhere to go to get away from them. There were so many ways this could have gone wrong. You couldn't believe how terrible of a transportation system this was.

Dirk rubbed soothing circles on your shoulders and got the flight attendants to leave you alone for not sitting up straight. The plane took off without much fanfare, though it was loud and bumpy. The noise didn't get any better once you were in the air though. Dirk tried to get you to uncurl but when you reached a hand out and thumped a limp hand against his chest he stopped trying.

The longer the flight went on the less good you felt about it too. Your shoulders ached, unable to relax your muscles. Your head started out with a dull throb and worked into a full on stabbing pain. Your fingers ached from staying curled around the fabric of your jeans. Dirk offered you a pair of headphones that blocked out some of the noise of the plane, muting most sound. You didn't want to open your eyes but you brushed your hand against his, the best you could do right now as a thanks. He pressed a kiss to your temple and settled your hood over the headphones.

They tried to get you to drink something or eat a snack eventually, but you batted them away. You were unsure how long you'd been here, but it was starting to feel like forever. Sometimes Dirk would leave an arm thrown over you shoulder, other times he would pry one of your hands away from your legs and hold it in his. You could vaguely hear him saying things to Dave through the headphones, but couldn't understand them.

You were sure it had been hours that you'd been sitting here, but time was becoming hard to judge past the pain in your head. Every minute was becoming less bearable, and you wished you could sleep but weren't even close to being able to. You tried prying your eyes open at one point, hoping maybe you were close to your destination but the light just intensified the pain and made your stomach lurch. Probably for the best you hadn't eaten anything.

You felt the plane descending and eventually landing and the noise subsided. Dirk let you stay curled up until everyone else was gone before sliding the headphones down around your neck and heaving you off your seat. You blinked your eyes open but the world was blurry and spinning and you had to lean on Dirk for a moment to get your bearings.

“Are you okay?” he asked but it sounded booming and you closed your eyes again. You managed a small nod and held onto his hand, letting him lead you. He kept talking, but you tuned it out, wondering if he would notice if you put the headphones back on.

The new airport you were in seemed much louder than the last one, though it could have just been your migraine effecting your perception of 'loud'. You just kept your eyes closed and trailed behind Dirk, keeping your hand in his. Either he didn't notice you weren't looking, or he didn't say anything, but he managed not to lead you into anything.

“I know you probably don't want to hear this, but we have to take a boat to the island.” you heard him speaking to you but it took you longer than normal to recognize the words. You didn't have any response.

The boat was louder than the plane. You only got one half glance at the boat through narrowed eyes before the sunlight made you feel like you were going to be ill. It looked small, and from what you understood Dirk was driving it. Thankfully he lead you to a small corner that was mostly shielded from sunlight and let you curl up into it. Dave came and sat next to you for a while and tried to force what you were fairly sure was a bottle of water on you. To appease him you just took it and hugged it, that made him go away for a while.

You wanted to fall asleep so badly, hoping that you could sleep through the migraine and wake up with the pain being bearable. You were so close to sleep but every throb in your head pulled you back towards waking. You had brought the pain medication that you'd been given for migraines, but it was packed away and you could taste bile just thinking of having to open your eyes to find it.

It was difficult to tell if the boat ride was much shorter than the flight, or if you had just lost track of time passing completely, but before you knew it Dirk was lifting you out of the little space you had curled into. You weren't sure if he thought you were asleep or not, but you let him carry you and stayed limp in his arms with your eyes closed. The headphones were still on, so you could hear just the quiet rumble of him speaking quietly, but couldn't understand him.

Time felt like it was skipping, he gently laid you onto something soft, but you didn't even remember when you had left the boat. He disentangled the headphones from your horns and everything that was white noise was gone, it was quiet and made you realize your ears were ringing. You opened your eyes and it was dark, you could see Dirk's silhouette leaning over you. Having your eyes open didn't hurt finally.

“Hey.” he whispered and leaned out of your field of vision. He pulled your shoes off before making you sit up so he could take your sweatshirt off too. You hadn't realized how stifling it felt until it was gone and you sighed, leaning against him for support in the cool air.

He got you to drink a glass of water, which felt refreshing at first but quickly turned into a bad sloshing feeling in your stomach. He brought you the painkillers from your luggage and had to open it for you too, your hands were shaking too badly, you kept dropping the bottle. You laid down and the sickness in your stomach eased.

“Need anything else?” Dirk asked, voice mercifully low. He brushed a hand through your hair and you caught his fingers, dragging his hand down to brush against your lips. He pulled his hand away and replaced it with his lips, giving you a gentle kiss like he was afraid you were going to break.

“Get some sleep.” he murmured and you felt his weight lift from the side of the bed. The pain in your head was still killing you, but your limbs felt heavy and soon sleep overwhelmed you.


	24. Chapter 24

Psi really had you worried after getting off the plane. He literally hadn't said a word since the cab. It made no sense how Jane was all the way out in the middle of the ocean like this, but Dave assured you that you weren't all going out into the middle of the ocean to die. The house was actually really large for the island that it was on, bigger than you were picturing. But by the time you made it to the island he looked terrible, pale and he wouldn't open his eyes. 

When you got him into a dark room and he finally looked up at you his eyes were unusually dim, the glow barely visible in the light and flickering, it was worrying to you. You knew that to a certain degree his eyes could be used to gauge his mood or how he was feeling, but you'd never seen his eyes not glow and they were dangerously close to that. Dave guessed that it was a migraine, he told you that Sollux got them sometimes and that he probably wasn't dying but it didn't make you feel much better. You were the one that put him on the plane.

You had thought he was just being dramatic about his 'I hate being outside of your apartment' thing. You shouldn't have forced him along after you got him out of the cab. There wasn't much you could do to help him now besides set him up in a dark room and get him his painkillers like he asked for. You could apologize later when he didn't look like he was dying.

You tried not to go check on him every five minutes but it was hard. Every time you checked though he was deeply asleep, even turning on the light didn't wake him. So far on the island it was just you, Dave, and Jade so it didn't provide much entertainment. It was warm outside though, which was refreshing for December, and it was relaxing to walk down to the beach. 

Psi slept straight through the rest of the day, and then the majority of the night. You wanted to try waking him sooner, to see if he needed to eat or something, but decided that he would probably wake up if he needed something. He didn't usually sleep for this long, it was unusual for him to sleep all the way through the night most days.

You kept waking up through the night and finding yourself rolling over to check on him. Finally you woke up, checked the clock, and rolled over to find Psi missing. You were about half a second away from freaking out, still working on being fully awake, when the door to the adjoining bathroom opened and light flooded into the room.

“Psi?” you asked and threw the blankets off, stumbling to your feet.

“What's wrong?” he questioned back and you stood in the doorway. His hair was wet and he was wearing one of your sweatshirts that came down to his thighs.

“Uh, feeling better?” you scratched your hair and leaned on the door frame. He looked much better than before. His face had some subtle color back, just a light golden flush to his cheeks, and his eyes were visibly glowing again. His hair was dripping into the shoulders of your sweatshirt and you couldn't help but draw your gaze down his bare legs.

“Much better now, thanks.” his lips curved up and his teeth caught his lower lip the way you always liked. He stepped closer to you and wrapped his arms around your bare torso, giving you a peck on the lips. He was still warm from the shower and his hair was damp against your cheek.

“I was worried about you yesterday.” you wrapped an arm around him and flicked out the lights, dragging him back into the bedroom.

“Sorry.” he murmured and followed you.

“Don't apologize, I feel bad enough that this was my fault.” 

You tried to get him back into bed but it turned out that he pretty much wasn't going to fall asleep again. You brought him to the kitchen to find something to eat at his request, and you felt a fresh pang of guilt that you hadn't even thought of it that he hadn't eaten anything in at least 24 hours. From what you knew about him it wasn't good for him to skip meals. You weren't terribly well acquainted with Jade yet, but you didn't think she'd be upset by you two using her kitchen in the middle of the night. 

Psi sat on the counter while eating, staring out the window while you leaned next to him, waiting until you could go back to bed. He seemed to be back to his usual self, and didn't seem to blame you at all for dragging him along.

“How big is this island?” he asked, watching the trees sway outside the window, just barely illuminated in the moonlight. The whole island was extremely dark after the sun went down, it was so far from civilization. 

“Not sure, not very big though. There's a beach a few hundred yards that way.” you gestured vaguely, you hadn't seen too much of the island yet. You knew the path from the boat to the house and that was about it.

“Is it nice?”

“Looked nice from what I saw, plus the water's really warm down here.” 

“Can we go there?” he kept his eyes trained out the window, clearly interested in going outside.

“Uh, yeah... Do you mean like right now?”

Despite your reluctance he did manage to convince you to go outside, at the very least his eyes kept it from being dangerously dark. It looked brighter once you both made it out to the beach, where there weren't trees and foliage blocking the little light there was from the moon. It was quiet except for the crickets and small waves crashing on the beach. The boat was still anchored a little ways out in the water, and even without the sun it was pleasantly warm.

You never would have guessed that Psi would like the ocean. Dave had made jokes about most of the troll's not being able to swim, so when Psi slipped off his shoes and let the water run over his feet you stayed back. He let the water soak into the ankles of his pants before turning to face you with a small smile that you could just make out, reaching his hand out towards you.

“You like the ocean?” you questioned while kicking off your shoes and rolling your pants up to your knees.

“I do. It doesn't seem so different from the ones on Alternia.” he took your hand and swung it a little back and forth, staring out at the ocean. The water was much nicer than you had anticipated, slightly warmer than the breeze coming in off the water. There were hardly any waves, the water just lapped up against your feet then gently back.

“Can you swim?” you asked, not wanting to assume because you wouldn't want anything to happen when it was too dark for you to see.

“Yes.” he pulled you a few steps farther out in the water until water was threatening to hit your rolled up pants.

“It's been a long time though. You can swim?” he let your hand slip out of his and reached down to run his hands through the water.

“Yeah.”

“Come on then.” he smiled and pulled his shirt off, throwing it back onto the beach. His eyes just illuminated the surface of the water near both of you and you copied his actions, leaving most of your clothes on the shore before he took your hand and pulled you into deeper water.

You'd never been in the ocean at night, and it was intimidating to say the least. The water was black and it was difficult to see waves coming. Psi seemed able to see well enough though, leading you both into the water until your feed could just barely touch the floor. You kept your hand locked in his and pulled him close in the water so your legs brushed.

It was surprisingly relaxing despite the darkness though, the water just subtly moved around both of you. Out on the water it was almost completely quiet and your attention was drawn up to the sky. Without all of the bright lights of the city there were so many stars to see, the sky seemed so much bigger out here. Psi seemed to be keeping his focus on the water, idly swishing back and forth.

“Why don't you go by your given name?” you blurted out after a few long minutes of silence. You couldn't seem to help that sometimes. He stared at you for a long time and you couldn't read him, his eyes were bright enough in the dark that the rest of his face was in shadow.

“I do go by my given name.”

“I mean the name you were born with?”

“I wasn't born with a name.”

You sighed, was he being evasive or were you just asking all the wrong things? It was a fine line with him sometimes.

“I thought your real name was Silver though?”

“I don't know what you mean by 'real name'.” he shook his head and looked down at the water, it was clear and his eyes lit up the water between you, your hands were just visible.

“Then where did the name Silver come from?” this all seemed more confusing than it needed to be.

“It was the name I picked for myself after I escaped from Orphaner Dualscar.”

You couldn't help the surge of rage you felt at the thought of that guy. You had beaten him to a pulp, but that didn't mean he was forgiven in any way. He had done more to Psi than just beat him up that once, from what you'd been told they had a history.

“So why do you go by Psionic and not Silver? Silver's a good name.”

“You think so?”

“Sure, I mean, isn't Psionic just a title anyways? It just seems kind of impersonal.”

“Maybe you're right.” you could just see the outline of his lips quirk up in the dark.

“You could call me Silver, if you wanted to.” he lifted his gaze to your and you could see the flicker that meant he was uncertain. You pulled him closer through the water and kissed his cheek, tasting salt water, and he stayed close to you. 

Eventually you got really tired of the midnight swim and dragged him out of the water. He'd had plenty of sleep before you even got in bed, so you were really dragging. It felt cold once you got out of the water, so you didn't linger on the beach. You pulled your clothes on but both of you were still wet with water and ended up in wet sandy clothes. You tried to not leave wet sand footprints through Jade's house but it was proved to be too difficult.

You both rinsed off in the shower together without getting too distracted, mostly because you were about to drop. The sun was starting to rise by the time you both slipped into bed together again and both of your pillows were damp from your hair but you were too tired to care. He curled up against your side and sighed, closing his eyes and you threw an arm over him.

“Thanks for bringing me here.” he muttered against your shoulder.

“I'm glad you came, we'll figure something out about getting home later.”

“Hm, I don't know.” 

“Night, Psi. Er- Silver, Sil?” it came out more as a tired question than anything else and he laughed.

“Get some sleep.” he patted your chest and you didn't need anything else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, I wasn't super in love with this chapter but it happened, so. I'm currently torn if I should wrap this all up or go on with another plot that would take 6~ more chapters, I can't decide =T


	25. Chapter 25

As it turned out the island was more relaxing than you had anticipated. Even when the other guests that Jade had invited arrived her house was large enough for you to be able to avoid them, so you spend your time with Dirk. It was too bright outside for you to go out during the day, and although Dirk complained about how dark it was at night he always went with you anyways.

You watched them all celebrate a holiday that they called Christmas, but you didn't participate. Both Dave and Dirk tried to get you to but you stayed away and requested to be left out. From what you understood it was a holiday about giving, and you had nothing to give anyone. Thankfully they seemed to respect your wishes and didn't try to pull you back in even though they clearly wanted to. They seemed to have fun without you anyways.

Before you knew how much time had passed it was time to get ready to travel back to the Strider's apartment. The day before you were due to leave Dirk couldn't sit down without worrying what to do, unable to think of any other way to get you back without the use of an airplane. Despite his best effort you still had to get on the boat the next day and go back to the airport. The ride was no better than the first time, though at least you knew what to expect. Even with the privacy of Jade's island you were sure you couldn't ever voluntarily go back if it involved this method of travel. You could tell Dirk felt guilt over putting you through the same ordeal twice, but couldn't do much about it until the next day when your head didn't feel like it was in a vice.

Dave stayed around during the days with you and Dirk for the next few days until it was time for him to go back to school again. Even though Dirk complained loudly and often about how having Dave around kept you from being intimate, it was still nice to have Dave around. You couldn't pinpoint when having Dave around went from acceptable to pleasant, but you were blindsided by it the first day you woke up with both brothers gone and you were alone in the apartment. You never spoke much with Dave, he did most of the talking, but now it was just quiet and empty without him. 

It was nothing compared to the loneliness you'd had as a helmsman, but for so long after you'd been brought back to life you had preferred the loneliness to interactions. Being alone was familiar and easy in a way social interactions weren't. It started with wanting to be around Dirk, he was quiet but easy going and never pressed you. He made it easy to be around, easing your loneliness while being inoffensive in his interactions. Slowly you found yourself craving those interactions, to now, where you wouldn't know what to do without him. You had to wonder if he knew how much you needed him.

“Hey I didn't think you'd be up.” Dirk said on the way in the front door, pulling you from your thoughts and you stood to follow him to the kitchen, taking a bag of groceries from his hands to ease his load.

You watched him unload bags, leaning on the counter and occasionally handing him something. He wasn't really paying attention to what he was doing, and the silence was comfortable. He took his cap off and dropped it on the counter, sighing and running a hand through his hair, his eyes landing on you.

“What's up?” he asked with a crooked smile, balling up the grocery bags and tossing them across the room. You reached a hand towards him and he came over, putting an arm around your shoulder.

“You miss me or something?” he asked and jostled you in his grip.

“I always miss you.”

He looked surprised by your answer, his smile fading for a second before coming back full force. You put an arm around him and gave him a small kiss on the lips that he didn't seem to be expecting. 

“That is so... sappy.” he laughed for a second before chasing your lips with his own and pinning you against the counter.

“Sorry, I'm kidding, that was a joke.” he shook his head and let his forehead rest on your shoulder while you looped your arms around his waist.

“Insensitive.” you muttered and he lifted his head to look at you, but you smiled. Dirk still couldn't always tell when you were joking, you weren't sure you even had a sense of humor before him.

You spent the rest of the day doing very little. Dirk worked on a few music mixes, he asked for your opinion one or twice but both times you told him you really weren't qualified for those types of opinions. Eventually you fell asleep on the couch while he worked. You woke up with a feeling of falling, but it was Dirk carrying you down the hall.

“Didn't mean to wake you.” he kicked the bedroom door open before setting you on the bed. You rubbed your eyes, still close to sleep but caught his hand as he slipped an arm out from underneath you.

“One sec.” he kissed your cheek and disentangled himself from your grip, moving around the room to close the door and curtains. Enough light filtered through the curtains that he could see to step around various things littering the floor and sat by your side on the bed. You took his hand and brought it to your lips, kissing his knuckles.

“Is that a proposition?” 

“Only a proposition to sleep with me.” you said, but only realized the implications when he had to bring a hand to cover his face, trying to stifle laughter.

“You just mean sleeping don't you?” he dropped his hand and shook his head, brushing your cheek with the back of his hand. The skin on his hand was rough, but not unpleasantly so.

“English is not my first language, give me a break.”

“I'll let it go this once.” he moved to get off the bed but you grabbed him by the back of the shirt before he could get out of your reach, pulling him back. He stopped and turned back to face you.

“What?”

“...Nothing.” you shook your head and let go. A part of you wanted him to stay even though you knew you were just going to fall asleep, it was irrational and inexplicable.

“Is something wrong?” he asked, moving back across the bed to sit next to you and you sighed.

“No.”

“Then why are you acting weird?”

“Am I?”

He gave you a skeptical look.

“Then what are you thinking about?” he finally asked. He'd asked you that question a few times before, the first time he had caught you off guard and you couldn't formulate a real response. There wasn't much that you thought about that you didn't want him to know, but it was difficult to put in words sometimes.

“I guess I was lonely when I woke up and you were gone.”

“I wasn't gone that long?” he leaned back against the headboard.

“I know.”

He laced his fingers in your hair and his fingers brushed against your scalp and the base of your horns.

“I'll try to stick around so you don't have to wake up alone from now on.”

You had to crane your neck to look up at him and his fingers touched the back of your neck.

“You don't have to.”

“Yeah, but if you don't like it then I'll stop doing it.”

You let your head rest against the pillow again, the light from your eyes cast over his thigh. 

“You don't have anything to say about that?” he asked, his fingers continuing to run through your hair and you shook your head.

“Do what you want.”

“What if I want to do what makes you happy?”

That made you pause. It was something you weren't sure you understood, but at the same time you knew Dirk usually did that kind of thing anyways. Upon thinking, you had done things for that reason fro for him in the past. When he wanted to go on a date in his club he worked at, wearing the clothes that he got for you, letting him see your scars; you never would have done any of those things if they hadn't made him happy.

“Because I love you.” he said, pulling you from your thoughts. He leaned down, brushing your hair back and kissing your temple.

“Can... can you explain?” your voice came out quieter than you meant, but your heart thudded loudly in your ears.

“Explain what?”

“What's love supposed to be like?” you could feel your cheeks heat up. It sounded like a stupid question when you asked it like that, but none of the trolls had given you an answer. You'd heard lots of silly things about love from songs, movies, and even heard other people say it to one another. None of it made much sense to you.

“Ok, well, let me think.” Dirk sighed but kept combing through your hair, you were scared to look up and see his expression. What if he was upset that you asked? Were you supposed to say it back immediately, or would he take it back?

“It's hard to explain, since it's a little different for everybody. Without getting too mushy about it, it's just a feeling like everything else. I feel it when you fall asleep too early and I have to carry you to bed, or when you smile and your lower lip gets caught on your fangs. It just means I'd do anything for you, and I want to wake up next to you every morning. So I'll wait until you wake up before I go anywhere so you don't have to wake up without me either.” 

You listened to him speak and for once it wasn't his usual uncomfortable ranting that he did when he had a lot to say but didn't know how to say it. He was carefully speaking, sometimes trailing his hand down the back of your neck to flatten his palm over your back, idly touching you. You were hoping for a dictionary explanation, something that you could compare to a list or quantify. But even without a distinct definition his explanation made sense to you.

“Does that help you understand?”

“Is that all there is to loving someone?” you asked, cringing again at how stupid it sounded coming out of your mouth. You felt like a wriggler at the first day of schoolfeeding.

“Yep, it's that easy.” he laughed a little and your cheeks felt hot.

“Then I love you too.” you swallowed hard and risked a glance up at him, expecting him to be laughing down at you. Instead his smile was soft and he cupped your cheek in his hand.

“Glad to hear it.”

There wasn't anything more to say but he stayed by your side while you found yourself blinking longer and longer, trying to keep your eyes open but losing the battle. His fingers were gentle in your hair and his closeness was relaxing. You were comforted by the thought that he could feel the same way you did about him, even if you weren't sure you quite understood it yet. You realized that your eyes were closed but were too sleepy to try opening them again, besides, he would be there when you woke up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's all there is! To be honest it was kind of the update that made me finish it instead of going on. I know that more ancestors are going to be revealed in the next update and that's just going to mess me all up going against canon x_x 
> 
> There's a possibility I might write more, I had planned to go into the helmsman issues and more Dualscar, but if I decide to do that I'll write it separately and add it to the series. For now it feels good to have this 'done', I've never written anything this long before, I learned that I am terrible at planning!
> 
> Thanks to everyone that read and commented! I really cherished every comment, they all meant a lot to me and I'm too awkward and shy to reply to them all, so thank you everyone :) A little shout out to Kira who posted the original bro/psionic prompt that got me interested in the pairing in the first place!

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for typos, poorly written sentences, etc. I'm no good at editing my own work OTL
> 
> I also have no explanation for why everyone is there and alive, so???


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